


Young Guns

by WingsandImpalas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternative Universe - FBI, Angst, BAMF Castiel, BAMF Dean, Canon-Typical Violence, Cause I'm a sap, Confidential Informant, Criminal Dean, Dark Past, Eventual Smut, FBI Agent Castiel, FBI Agent Gabriel, Fighter Dean, Gangs, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Murder, Mutual Pining, Organized Crime, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Slow Burn Castiel/Dean Winchester, Torture, graphic depictation of violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-08-29 10:59:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 42,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8486779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WingsandImpalas/pseuds/WingsandImpalas
Summary: There was a gun to Deans head.Dean was a fighter. A Criminal, he had expected to die young. He just didn't expect it to be like this. He didn't expect the FBI or the Deal. He didn't expect the fear and the betrayal and he certainly didn't expect Agent Castiel Novak. The man who stormed into his life and tore it to shreds. Castiel was probably the reason why Dean was going to die. Worst part was Dean couldn't hate him. In fact his feelings on the matter where probably the opposite. Not that it would matter now. Not when the gun goes off.[abandonded unless I get inspiration]





	1. Prologue

On the night Rachel Dunn died it rained. A cliché perhaps but the weather was oddly appropriate. People hid in the rain, retreating behind their warm doors hiding in the comfort of their families as the rain washed the Los Angeles streets clean. Unfortunately, the rain could not wash away the sins unfolding on the streets.

 

Hidden in nightclub corners people with beautiful smiles prayed on the drunk dancers promising them a high so good they would never come down. It wasn't the first time the words had been uttered in the city but for the first time in almost a year the deadly drug known only as Croatan hit the streets. Spurred on by the announcement of Rachel's blood.

 

A runner had found her while he ran down a mile-long stretch off abandoned construction sites. Shaken with fear and soaking the frantic runner had called 911. Half an hour later the LAPD and there coroner's started to arrive and block of the scene. In the distance a dark skinned FBI agent decided to make a phone call. 

 

Half way across the city, Castiel Novak's phone decided to ring. On any other day Castiel would have ignored it, to pissed from his boyfriend's recent temper tantrum to handle human contact. But on that night something drew Castiel to look at the phone. Confusion immediately overtook the man's features as he stared at the caller ID. Immediately replaced by worry and a cold sense of resignation as he answered the call.

 

"Raphael." Castiel said trying to keep the fear out of his voice. 

 

"Castiel." Raphael replied his voice cold and foreboding. "We found her. We found Rachel."

In that moment it felt like time stood still. Castiel froze trying to keep the memories of darker times at bay as he asked shakily. "Is she okay?"

 

In the silence that followed Castiel got his answer.

 

"Where are you?" He asked filled with the overwhelming desire to do something, for a second he wanted to be the person he was two years ago, the one who got answers instead of the cold silence echoing through phone calls.

 

Castiel listened to the brief hesitation in Raphael's breath before he whispered. "Whell's Construction on North Canard Lane."

 

"I'm on my way." Castiel muttered hanging up before the agent could protest. Grabbing his trench coat haphazardly Castiel practically ran to the door, down the stairs and into his car as if on Autopilot. Barely listening to the GPS instructions as he found his way to the crowed crime scene, mind racing with memories of a time he'd rather forget.

 

Time slowed to an almost unbearable pace as Castiel drove through late night traffic grounding to a halt at the sight of reporters and yellow tape. Opening the door Castiel was greeted to the sound of sirens, dozens of them piercing the night sky like a dying animal. Running up to the yellow tape Castiel went to reach for the badge he no longer had. A young officer tried to stop him passing when from the distance the FBI Agent approached.

 

"Let him through." Raphael said looming over the man, the rain soaked officer lifted the tape. Castiel pushed on barely paying attention to his former colleague instead looking at body on the ground.

 

Everything seemed to go silent. Castiel looked at the scene, blinking at the flash of cameras, the red and blue lights. Taking none of it in except for Rachel. Her once beautiful face was buried under bruises and her strong frame seemed to have shrunk in death. Two wings were painted underneath her. A white warning painted into their feathers " _ All angels fall if they lean too far - Legion." _

 

Castiel turned away in disgust. He had seen this scene too many times before.  Except with a different body. One that haunted Castiels dreams for almost a year, and with a sinking certainty Castiel realized Rachel's would as well.

 

Frowning Castiel tried to remember the last time he had seen Rachel. She had been a part of his last undercover mission along with Samandriel Phillips and Anna Milton. At least before it all went to hell. Rachel had been the first to disappear and one by one so did the others until Castiel was the only one left. The gang they were investigating known only as "Legion" was no doubt responsible for their disappearances. With no leads and a guilty conscience Castiel had been pulled out of his position and handed a suspension the very next day. " _ To come to terms with the loss _ " that was nine months ago. And for nine months everything had been quite, no sign of the surprising new drug that had appeared on the streets. No violence or threats, no cops being killed like Rachel had been. It was stupid to believe it would last. Castiel knew it wasn't over deep down. Not if his friends were still out there but he still had hope they were still alive.

 

A woman broke through the tape, her sharp grey suit standing out as a symbol of her authority. "Castiel" she said her voice sharp but not surprised.

 

"Naomi" Castiel replied avoiding her icy gaze. He watched her as she slipped a glare towards Raphael and then turn her attention towards Rachel instead.

 

Bending down she looked at the young Medical Examiner instead. "You?" She asked waiting for a name.

 

"Dr. Tessa Rhodes" the girl said, cat green eyes reflecting the red and blue lights.

 

"Well, Dr. Rhodes how long has she been like this?"

 

"From the position I'd estimate not long an hour, two tops. Her body shows strong signs of torture that appears to be going back a few months we'll know more post-mortem." She frowned, moving a gloved hands towards the rather large stab wound in Rachel's lower abdomen. "This wound is the most recent, she seemed to bleed out from it. Probably not here somewhere else though, there's not enough blood on site. As for the wound itself it would have taken hours to die from a wound like this, whoever made it wanted her to suffer."

 

Castiel flinched at that. He remembered that Rachel had been kind and loyal often to a fault. She didn't deserve this.

 

Naomi stood up,  brushing her pant suit clean of imaginary dirt then looked at Castiel again. Lifting her hand she made a gesture  for Castiel to follow her. Obeying his old boss orders, he found himself once again  under the scrutiny of Naomi's piercing gaze.

 

"What are you doing here Castiel?" She demanded. Slowly removing latex gloves from her hands.

 

Castiel sighed, looking away. "Raphael called me. I know I shouldn't have come but I needed to see this for myself." Castiel said his eyes landing on Rachel as Tessa hid her broken body with a large white tarp.

 

Naomi followed his gaze, she seemed lost in thought for a moment before sighing as well.

 

Castiel looked at her guessing now was as good of times as any to ask. "Does this mean they've started again?"

 

"I'm afraid it does" she said somewhat reluctantly. "And it looks like they wanted to give us a message."

 

"What does it mean?" Castiel asked thinking about the words on Rachel's wings.

 

"Your guess is as good as mine." Naomi said. "But I don't think they appreciate us snooping anymore, we must be getting close."

 

Castiel scoffed remembering the mess the of the case he left behind. "Is there anything I can do." He asked desperate to get back into the field. It had been too long and he was driving himself crazy with a mixture of guilt and curiosity.

 

Naomi considered his words for a moment and took one last look at the scene around them. For the first time Castiel realized how tired she looked, "Congratulations Castiel, you're officially off suspension It’ll take time to get the paperwork through but I expect to see you at the bunker tomorrow morning, 9am sharp." Castiel turned to her eyes wide but nodding that he understood. Naomi shook her head “Just don't make me regret this, Castiel.” she said walking towards the reporters clumped around the police tape. 

 

Castiel stared after her slightly dumbstruck trying to comprehend the fact that he was back. Glancing at Rachel he vowed that he would put a stop to this, for her sake as much as his own.

If only he knew then what he knew now. Maybe he could have stopped himself from making that promise. He could have stopped many things, if he only hadn't answered that damn phone.

 


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First official chapter but gah this got a lot of hits last time I wasn't expecting that. Haha. Thank you all your all very very sweet.

**Two months later**

 

Gruff cheers interrupted from the smoke filled room as Dean Winchester took his place in the pit. A 5ft hole in the ground, of an abandoned sugar factory complete with a large chicken wire net and two gates for the competitors to drop down through. In the past six months Dean had become accustomed to factory's layout. The most recent location in Alastair's long line of skeevy warehouses and basements. He scanned the crowd above him and felt his fear slip away. After all Dean was used to this life, he couldn't count how often he found himself in front of crowds like this one, in the past four years. Rolling his shoulders he Breathed in the familiar smells of cheap tobacco, sweat and the metallic smell of blood.

 

Through the smoke that filled the old factory like a fog, Dean locked eyes with the man across the pit. Glancing at his frame Dean realized he was a big guy, closer to Sam's height than his own and was probably twice the size of Dean when it came to muscle. Clearly he was a crowd favourite, despite the fact that logically his bulk would probably make the man slower. They always underestimated Dean. He was too small, too pretty to bet on. Or so he had been told. Surprisingly this worked in his favour. Dean had learned early on that the more the odds are against you the more likely you are to gain big when you win. And Dean planned to win.

 

It wasn't that Dean was cocky, deep down Dean hated this. He hated fighting in places for men like the ones in the crowd, looking at him like he was no more than a rabid dog. But this is what he had to do. He fought dirt bags for the pleasure of slightly richer dirt bags until one of them was on the floor. His dad had done it and now he was doing it because sadly Dean had no other choice and at least if he fought Sammy would never have to.

 

Not that Dean could picture his gentle Lawyer of a brother in a fight like this. Sam had always been the civil one. Always able to use his words instead of his fists. Knowing Sam, he would more than likely drop out of college and live on the streets than be in a place like this. Thankfully Dean wasn't Sam. He didn't have the big brain or the fancy words instead he had his father's voice in his head and a solution that kept Sam living the dream oblivious to his brother's extra-curricular activities. The pits were a solution that kept Sam safe and happened to line his pockets. Sure it was a solution that meant ending up in places like this, much like John Winchester had all those years ago. But it is what it is.

 

Taking a deep breath Dean looked away from his opponent and turned his attention to the man climbing down into the pit. He walked to the centre of the ring, turning to address the crowd above them, watching like hungry vultures. "Ladies gentlemen we've got quite the fight lined up for you today. So place your bets."

 

Dean smirked at that the people here were far from ladies or gentlemen, more like whores and Asshats.

 

Putting on a mock announcer voice The sleazy guy turned to Deans competition and said "In this corner we have the gruesome, the terrifying Scarecrow!" The crowd cheered loudly, confirming Deans previous suspicions. Dean rolled his eyes. From the way the announcement was going you'd think it was WWE not some illegal cage match.

 

"And in this corner" the man said pointing at Dean "We have Dean 'The young Gun' Winchester"

Dean smiled falsely. Squaring up he removed his shirt. Turning to face the 'Scarecrow' once again, he too had taken his shirt off revealing a chest tattoo saying his little pet name. The announcer smiled once at both of them then fled the ring similar to a rat hiding from the rain.

 

Dean moved closer to the centre his competitor doing the same. For a second the danced around each other, then without warning the man threw a punch. Dean turned to avoid it, getting hit on the shoulder instead of his face. He then turned quickly placing a sharp punch to the man's stomach and stepped back just out of his reach. Glancing  at the scarecrow he searched for where to land his next punch, but he instead of finding a weak spot he caught a glimpse of silver in his rival's fist.

 

Dean shivered at the sight. If this was a legal fight, there would be lights and cheers and almost everything happening would likely be faked. Knives wouldn't be allowed in a legit fight. But this wasn't legal this was one of Alistair's fights and in these fights you were either knocked out or died bloody.

 

Slowly the Scarecrow lunged at him the knife flicking toward his neck. Dean twisted to the right kicking up and managed to land a hit in stomach as he avoided the Scarecrows fist. Moving back quickly Dean felt blood drip from his cheek. Dean wiped it clean shaken his fist.

 

"You son of a bitch" Dean muttered as the Scarecrow lunged again. Dean grabbed at his jeans pocket pulling out his own butterfly knife and flicked it open just before he was tackled to the ground.

 

Groaning softly Dean stared as the Scarecrow lifted the knife up ready to drive it home. His large thighs stopping dean from moving his own hands.

 

As if planned a sudden bang echoed around the room "Everybody put your hands up!" A voice shouted. From this angle Dean couldn’t see the crowd bolting for the exits. But he could hear their shouts and heavy footsteps.

 

"Shit" Dean muttered. Trying to  pull his hand out from under the Scarecrows thunder thighs looking for his own escape route. Catching his competitors equally confused gaze they both stood to run when suddenly a man charged putting his knee on the Scarecrow's neck as he snapped on a pair of cuffs.

 

Dean tried to run only to receive the same treatment from a stone faced officer who looked like he ate babies for breakfast.

 

"Hey buddy watch the merchandise" Dean snarled acting like he didn't have a care in the world.

The cop sighed ignoring him as he said in a bored tone " You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have a right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you." Dean  blocked him out continuing to struggle as the cop lifted him up, hoisted him through the gate. For a brief second Dean considered running before the cop pulled him up and lead him outside before pushing him into the back of the cop car. Well almost the cop made sure he got a whack on the door frame first.

 

"Whoops, I'm sorry miscalculation on your height there princess." The cop said before getting into the front on the car. Dean glared at him through the glass divider ready to make a comment when the radio interrupted him.

 

"Hendrickson we have reports coming in left and right, did you seriously bust up one of Al's joints? " a voice asked lazily.

 

The cop, Hendrickson lifted the radio and said with a smile,  "yeah w finally got a break Frank I'm coming in now."

 

Hendrickson locked eyes with Dean in the rear view mirror a smile on his dark face. "You princess, you are going to save my career."

 

"Me?" Dean asked suddenly confused, he knew he had been doing some illegal shit in that pit but not enough for the cop to be this happy. In fact, nothing about this arrest was making any sense. In the four years of Dean's time in the pits he had never heard of one being raided before. Dean had always assumed it involved some kind of payoff but watching the cop grin as he pulled out of the factory's old lot Dean felt a certain sense of dread.

 

"Yes you for three years I've been trying to destroy this mess and you have just handed me the dynamite"

 

"And how did I do that?" Dean asked more lost than he was pretending to be.

 

"Oh you'll see. The suits are going to have a field day with you princess, and as for me I'm celebrating. What do you think steak or lobster?"


	3. Chapter two

Dean

  
Despite his practically cheery introduction Dean soon learned that despite the brief reply's on the radio Hendrickson was not a talker. The second thing he noticed (though Dean hated to admit it) was that he had pretty decent music taste. However, despite Led Zeppelin playing in the background. Dean couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. In fact, the familiar vocals of Robert Plant playing on the speakers did nothing to calm his nerves and instead reminded him of all those times he heard them in his father's car.

This wasn't Deans first time being arrested, Dean had always been neck deep illegal shit ever since his mom died in a fire almost 24 years ago. Her death had hit Deans father, John pretty hard. He quit his job, turned to alcohol and hit the road with his two sons. Upon becoming virtually homeless, the Winchesters drove from state to state finding any motel cheap enough to not care about them and staying there as long as they could.

Dean spent the better part of his childhood in seedy towns and city's growing up on the road. Sometimes their father worked late shifts in factories and security for clubs, relying on his ex-marine knowledge when he could. The jobs would often take him out of town or leave him so exhausted in the morning that Dean was often left to watch out for Sammy. Sometimes his father couldn't get a job and with his increasing alcohol intake and depleting cash reserve Dean once again was left to take control off the situation. Stealing became second nature small things at first like bread and milk to feed Sammy. Then it was school stuff, clothes anything that they needed Dean took and because of that their father drunk through whatever money they had. It wasn't until Dean turned 16 and had reached breaking point did he stupidly try an attempting mugging in order to do something about their situation did john try to stick it out.

While Dean dealt with six months in a juvenile detention center John got a job as a mechanic in a small shop in Echo Park and stuck it out for Deans sentence but when he was released John turned back to the bottle and spent countless nights in seedy bars. It was in one of these bars that john decided to get in a bar fight in front of none other than Alastair himself. Dean didn't know much about the man but he knew that Al was wealthy, powerful and bloodthirsty. Al had organized just about every underground fight there was and he choose John to be his next champion. For four years Dean would watch his father leave for a fight before returning home with a wad of cash and a bloody smile. Until one night he didn't. Instead Dean was greeted with LA's finest asking about a body in Chinatown and Dean once again found himself in the back of police car.

After one night of drunken decisions and one more visit to the station two months later Dean found himself in the pits fighting for his brothers dreams and his twisted sense of loyalty. Dean had long accepted his life he had become used to drives like this so much so that he was genuinely confused as to why he felt so scared about this bust.

Lost in his own thoughts Dean didn't notice Hendrickson pulling into the station until he grabbed Dean from the back with so much force that Dean understood that the cop didn't like him much. Dean didn't let his unease show though. He never did. Instead he put on a mocking smile and when it came time for him to get ID photos taken he put on his best blue steel impression before being flung into a holding cell with three other men he recognized from the ring.

Looking around he noticed the man mountain that was the Scarecrow going through processing. Dean gave him a mock wave and earned a nasty glare in return. Chuckling Dean turned his attention to the guard. "So do I get my phone call or do I have pole dance first" Dean said leaning casually against the bars.

The guard rolled her eyes and handed him a phone that looked like it had escaped from the 90's as well as a shirt. Dean smiled sheepishly forgetting his state of undress and returned his gaze to the guard. "You've got 3 minutes" she said, with a strong Minnesota accent.

"You counting?" Dean joked desperately trying to ease the tension that seemed to linger in the air.

"Oh, you betcha" She said with a mock glare. Laughing Dean shrugged on the shirt and turned the phone in his hand typing in the number almost automatically.

One ring, two, three, fou..

"Singers salvage" a gruff voice greeted and despite himself Dean smiled.

"Bobby!" Dean greeted relief clear in his tone.

"Dean? Where you calling from boy?"

Dean laughed nervously suddenly remembering Bobby's love of old guns. "ah, you see Bobby the thing is I got busted."

"Balls" Bobby muttered before practically roaring abuse in Deans ear "Dammit Dean what did I tell you about that fighting thing of yours!"

"I know Bobby.. I screwed up." Dean muttered suddenly guilty after John had died Bobby had become the father that his step-brother never could. Given up everything just to keep the boys settled, moving out with his wife Ellen to LA the week of the funeral and staying because the boys needed some sense of family.

"Damn right you did. You're not a kid anymore Dean, you have a job and an apartment and Sam is fine and yet you keep doing this to yourself. What are you a sucker for punishment."

"Bobby" Dean said in a failed attempt to calm the old man down, Bobby ignored him completely lost in a rant. Before taking a deep breath and saying "What precinct?"

"75th"

Bobby hung up the phone. Sighing Dean went to the cell door again handing the cop the phone with a muttered "thanks." Seemingly drained from the conversation and aching from the mess of the pits Dean sank onto the bench ignoring his other cell mates.

Twenty minutes later Hendrickson walked in barking, "Winchester" and unlocking the door Dean stood up before he was pulled out of the cell and led through the station. "I've got somebody special who would like to meet you." He said as he placed Dean into an interview room clipping the cuffs into the table as he did so.

Dean sighed looking around at the dismal grey room complete with a steel table and plastic chairs as well as two cameras' in opposite corners. He stared at the one-way glass being sure to give the people behind a wave with his cuffed hands and smiling like he didn't have a care in the world. Not long later the door opened and short balding man walked in.

He gave dean a brief once over before saying "Good afternoon Mr Winchester." The cop, at least that's what Dean thought he was in all honesty he had never seen a cop dressed in a suit like the one the man was wearing. Something was off about this entire thing and it was starting to become frustrating.

Dean smirked again slipping into his defensive role of the annoying smartass. A habit Sam had often criticized him about. "You must be the waiter I'll have some beer and a burger please" Dean paused for minute watching the annoyance on the cops face before he said "Oh and some pie. Love me some pie"

"Do you think your amusing Mr. Winchester?" The man asked a hint of exaggerating in his tone.

"No, I think I'm adorable" Dean joked back a smile on his face.

The man sat down in front of Dean clearly trying a different approach "I think we got off on the wrong foot Mr. Winchester I'm Special Agent Zachariah Monroe I like to have a word with you"

Dean gulped "agent" meant that Dean had somehow stepped into a much bigger pile of shit that he thought. "You just did" Dean muttered more out of habit than anything else, determined not show any sign of fear.

Sighing Zachariah opened a file "you see Mr Winchester I have a favour to ask of you and in return I can offer you something, tit for tat if you will"

"I'm sorry Agent I'm not against sexual favours but you're not really my type"

Zachariah sighed once again "look Dean can I call you Dean. You're looking at, at least six years for assault," Dean stared forward as the man continue. "And at least another seven for attempted murder, I mean you did have that knife did you not. And let's not forget your previous offensives. It not looking good for you Dean"

Dean stared at him in shock, despite his previous arrests he had never been put away for longer than six months when he was 16, never mind 11 years. "I... I" Dean stuttered trying to think of a suitable response.

"Shocking isn't it well I would like to help you Dean, I mean it's clear your hearts in the right place I mean Stanford is an awfully expensive school. It's sweet really what you're doing for little Sammy"

Deans face hardened he wasn't an idiot he could sense the threat. Dean was about to tell the cop to shut his pie hole when the door opened once again.

Glancing up Dean watched the second agent walk in with an almost apologetic look. At first he thought it was for Zachariah but looking property he realized it was for him.

"Castiel" Zachariah said his voice slightly different than before, less confident more guarded. Dean smirked at little at that.

"Zachariah" Castiel said his voice deep and gritty like gravel. Dean gulped trying to keep his thoughts innocent but he couldn't stop looking at him. Like Zachariah he was wearing a suit and despite the heat he wore a trench coat. Making him look like a slightly sexier John Constine. He turned and sat in the second chair staring at Dean.

Dean heart sped slightly Castiel had the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. Sad eyes filled with every shade of blue you could possibly imagine. Paired with a shadowed jawline and dark tousled hair that begged to be touch. Dean could feel his throat go dry snapping himself out of whatever trance he was in. Trying to focus on his current situation Dean looked at Zachariah instead.

Zachariah sat rigidly in his seat clearly uncomfortable by Castiels presence. "Now Dean" Zachariah started "I can make all this go away, all I need from you is one small favour."

Dean stared at him, he didn't need the time Dean enjoyed his freedom. He had been inside and he hated it. He lived for it the idea that he could do what he wanted when he wanted which seemed a bit cheesy sure, but it was the truth. Despite the fighting and the bills Dean was free and didn't want to lose that.

"What kind of favour?" Dean asked all humour gone from his voice. Zachariah smirked a little and for the first time Castiel seemed interested in the conversation.

"Oh nothing really I just want you to keep on fighting, get know a few people find out what you can and then report it to Agent Novak here."

"You want me to snitch?" Dean asked not hiding his anger this time.

"We want you to help us gather valuable lifesaving information." Zachariah said his voice completely formal and twisted.

"So snitch"

"You do what to be a free man, don't you Dean?"

Dean froze. He knew when he was cornered and this was as cornered as they come. He didn't want the prison time but he had heard stories about what happened to people who snitched. He was no idiot he knew this stuff went deeper than fighting. He had seen the drugs and the guns. He watched people make deals in the makeshift corners of the pit. And he ignored it all. He simply fought hard and collected what he was owed.

"You're basically killing me you know that?" Dean said all emotion gone from his voice. He caught Castiels eye and he couldn't ignore what he saw in them. Guilt.

"Dean, Dean, Dean" Zachariah said in a mock chuckle. "You underestimate us; you'll be incredibly protected you have my word on that. I mean this could get so much worse, I'm not sure how Stanford will react when they hear that one of their students is only there because of illegal mean."

"You're bluffing"

"Am I"

Dean stopped, thinking everything over in his head. He could risk his future but he couldn't risk Sam's. Dean felt like he was suffocating on the tension his heart hammered in his chest. He wanted to hit something preferably Zachariah. Hell considering his position Dean debated if it would be worth it.

A small knock at the door broke the tension and the blonde guard walked in. "Sorry to disturb but he's made bail." She said clearly dejected.

Zachariah and Castiel looked at each other both defeated and Dean sagged with relief as another officer came through the room and unlocked Deans cuffs just as he was leaving the room he heard Zachariah's warning in a cold voice "We'll be in touch Dean."

Despite himself Dean shivered. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


	4. Chapter three

  
When the call comes in Castiel is once again staring at the wall or more specifically the mishmash of pictures and red tape that covered the once white surface. It was a habit he often did after his lunch breaks hoping the food and lingering caffeine would make him understand the words in a way his previous hour staring never did. Like always the system didn't seem to be working.

His gaze was currently focused on a blurry picture that could show one of Legions main operatives or it could show a man buying coffee from a seedy Gas'n'Sip that was known for its association with the group. Something tapped his shoulder, when he turned he saw a perky face under a cloud of red hair. Charlie flashes him a smile that could only mean trouble and hands him her iPad.

Looking down at the screen Castiel reads a small section about how an anonymous tip had lead to the local PD raiding one of Alastair Rippers fighting Pits. "Naomi thinks we could get some information out of this. She wants you and Zachariah to go down there and find us someone willing to squeal." Charlie said her light voice filled with a seriousness that she only reserved for Naomi's orders.

Sighing Castiel casts a worried look at his friend before grabbing his coat, glancing over to watch Zachariah do the same. "What does she want out of this?" He asked already dreading the answer.

"A CI probably now that her scope for undercover agents is in low demand. Despite the fact that Gabe and Inais are out there and we got twelve other guys snitching for us."

"Exactly, so what has the fighting pits got to do with this?"

"We got new intel that Alistair may have made a deal with Legion, getting a CI will help us with the details." Zachariah's slick voice interrupts. "So move it Novak." Rolling his eyes Castiel briefly turns to Charlie. "wish me luck." He mutters getting a laugh from her as she hands him the iPad."Take that with you. So far the stations got five guys I can send you over their files help you decide on the best possible candidate."

Nodding Castiel follows Zachariah to the office elevator. After the failed undercover mission a year ago, it was deemed necessary for the Agents involved in the "Legion case" to move from the LA field office to a less conspicuous location. Which involved the rental of a floor in a small office on Marathon Street. Most businesses in the building were a mix between small law firms, phone companies and a slightly questionable design company. All of which remained oblivious to the events taken place on the fourth floor. Zachariah pushes the button swiping a key card as the doors closed.

"When we arrive allow me to lead the discussion, I think you should observe on this one." Zachariah said in place of a greeting.

Castiel nods. Despite his years of experience his return to the bureau resulted in a temporary probation usually under Zachariah's lead leaving Castiel to listen to many of the man's selfish demands. "Who's handling the informant?"

"Naomi wants you to do it." Zachariah says casually adjusting his suit in the mirror.

"Me?" Castiel says raising an eyebrow.

"Yes she seems to believe you deserve a chance at redemption, personally I just think she's getting tired of you sitting at the wall all day."  
  
Castiel rolls his eyes and looks away "Your consideration is admirable Zachariah."

"Think whatever you want Novak, just don't mess things up this time."

The elevator doors open, Zachariah steps out in front of him, Castiel glares at the shorter man's retreating figure. Unaware of Castiels rising hatred Zachariah asks "What do we know about the pits?"

Sighing Castiel opens Charlie's ipad. "It's an old operation supposedly run by Alistair Ripper. Believed to be going back nearly twenty years maybe more. The locals have tried to tear it down a few times times but the pits always resurface."

Nodding at the information they walked to the SUV parked outside the office, Zachariah naturally moving to the driver's side. "What about the files?" Zachariah asked once Castiel opened Charlies email.

"We've got five arrested so far, three are believed to be spectators, who are probably going to be able to worm their way out of a charge but we have two fighters that were caught in the act."

"interesting tell me about those two."

"First up we have one Sean Vanir, No family but he has multiple assault charges, two reports of domestic abuse and a previous conviction resulting in four years inside."

"Sounds like he'd be hard to threatening with jail time considering he's done a stint already what about the other guy."

"Dean Winchester, some childhood misdemeanors mostly, six months in Juvie when he was 16 and an assault charge four years ago but he wasn't convicted for it. Um, both his parents are deceased but he has a younger brother."

"Could be angle to work with, call Charlie see what she can find out about this guy."

Castiel nods pulling out his phone as the traffic lights changed from red to green."Miss me already." Charlie chirps and Castiel can picture his friends smug smile.

"Always" He mutters before interrupting her playful banter by putting her on speaker. " Can you find anything on Dean Winchester?"

"You know Cas if I didn't know any better I'd say you just challenged me. Okay let's see what we got here. Dean Winchester, 28. He was Born in Lawrence, Kansas but his current place of residence is the apartments above "The Dock" bar on Liberty Street. His Mom died in a fire when he was four and for the next twelve years he lived on the road, some small time theft here and there and an attempted mugging when he was sixteen. His family seemed to settle in town but oh..."

"What is it Charlie?"

"Um, about four years ago his father was found dead in Chinatown. No witnesses but he was believed to be a casualty of the pits as that area is sometimes used as a dumping ground for the casualty's."

"So what you're saying here is he's a second generation fighter."

"Basically."

"What about his brother?" Zachariah asks.

"Um. Sam Winchester was six months when his mom died but the kids basically spotless from what I've got here he's at Stanford."

"He's our guy." Zachariah said cheerily and Castiel flinched at his boss seeing opportunity in what appeared to be tragedy.

"Okay, Thanks Red." Castiel said dully ending the call and trying to ignore the sense of dread for the man he was about to interrogate.

~~~

Ten minutes later Castiel found himself at starring Dean Winchester through the one-way glass of the 75th precinct. Trying to ignore the knots in his stomach as he looked at the admittedly handsome criminal smirking at his boss. Feeling nothing but guilt for the younger man. Castiel didn't know what it was. Maybe it was the way he smiled at Zachariah like he didn't have a care in the world, despite the fact he nervously played with some bracelets on his wrists. Or maybe it had been the file that Castiel had read a few minutes earlier describing his arrests and his father's before him.

To an untrained eye it would appear as if Dean was simply following in his father's footsteps. But Castiel wasn't untrained and he couldn't ignore the tragedy that followed the man like a shadow. He didn't seem to belong in there with cuffs on his wrists. Castiel knew it the moment he saw him and when Zachariah mentioned the name "Sammy." Castiel understood why. Never in his life had Castiel seen anyone he could call righteous. People always had hidden agendas, secrets. But Dean's face burned with a righteousness that Castiel had never seen before.  
Before he could really think about it Castiel was walking in the door ignoring the look of surprise Zachariah threw at him.

Technically Zachariah was his superior but Castiel knew it was only a matter of time before that position was stripped from him. They had been on this case for almost three years now and Naomi was getting antsy.

"Castiel." Zachariah said clearly annoyed.

"Zachariah" he responds curtly trying not to smirk, they both know it was too late to turn back now. Taking a seat Castiel stares at the man in front of him instead.

The first thing he notices is that Dean Winchester is just as attractive up close as he was far away. A mixture of strong and delicate features that would seem fake to most people. Castiel blinks and tries to concentrate on the conversation in a desperate attempt to avoid staring like an idiot at Dean. Unfortunately for Castiel Dean happened to be very distracting with his beautiful green eyes a devil may care grin.

Castiel doesn't know how long he sits there staring at Dean and ignoring the world until Dean finally says "What kind of favour?" He said his voice is deep, tempting and just slightly afraid.

Castiel sighs slightly despite the sarcasm he knows Zachariah has got him. He always did eventually. If manipulation was an art form Zachariah would be Picasso.

Dean still seemed to think that he stood a chance. The righteousness that Castiel had noticed earlier seeming to live on him like a second skin. wasn't fair. Castiel knew that, putting civilians in harm's way was wrong but they were out of options.

Whoever was in charge of Legion always seemed to know who was a cop when they were undercover. In the past two months they had found another body presented the same way as Rachel had been. A stab wound to the gut and a pair of Angel wings painted on the ground with the words "legion" at the bottom. Thankfully Castiel didn't know him personally but the loss still struck a chord with him and the bureau.

They were desperate and desperate times called for desperate measures. using CI's was there last resort to gain any information.

"You're basically killing me you know that?" Dean asks his voice cold and emotionless. Castiel wonders if he could see the guilt in his eyes.

Castiel hates the fact that they have to ask him to risk his life like this but they needed him. Castiel most of all. He needed to find Anna, she was his friend and his last hope at redemption. His last chance to find peace.

So Castiel didn't protest when Zachariah threatened Dean. Instead he looked down, his head hung in shame. If Dean agreed, which was likely. He would have to spend time with him and for some reason Castiel didn't want Dean to hate him.

Glancing at Dean again Castiel notices his eyes were focused on Zachariah's in a practically murderous way. For awhile there was nothing but silence like the calm before the storm. Castiel stills somehow knowing the smallest thing could set Dean off. Bracing himself Castiel turned slightly ready to tackle Dean if it became necessary. Dean was a fighter. And Castiel knew from experience that if a fighter was this mad it usually came to blows.

Thankfully it never came to that, a small knock sounded and in stepped a small blonde officer. Castiel had met her briefly on there way in but he didn't really know her name, Diana? Donna?  
"Sorry to disturb but he's made bail" she said timidly. Sighing he glanced at Zachariah. The man looked back with cold eyes before shouting after Dean's retreating figure "We'll be in touch Dean."

The door closes.

"Don't you think you went a bit too far?" He asks Zachariah who still looks genuinely frustrated by the loss.

Zachariah clears his throat, then straightens his tie "Not far enough apparently, kids stubborn I'll give him that." Castiel rolls his eyes just as his phone began to ring. He pausing holding up his had to Zachariah before he steps out of the room looking down at the screen he sees a familiar name.

Bartholomew.  
Castiel ignores the call, switching it to silent. He was too stressed to deal with Bartholomews bullshit right now.

Minutes later Zachariah steps out of the interview room, throwing Castiel a small glance as if to say move it.

"What now?" Castiel asks halfheartedly.

"He has a parole hearing on Friday. We can get him then." Zachariah smiles in victory but Castiel just nods sadly. If he had his way Dean Winchester would never need to be bothered again. But the world wasn't fair and people were dying and unfortunately for him Dean Winchester might be key in stopping it.

"Or.." Zachariah said smiling in a way that was completely unsettling. "We could make a house call."

"We can't do that, Zachariah and you know it. We would need a warrant at least." Zachariah gives him a glare frowning slightly.

"For his apartment maybe." He said with an air of anticipation. "But lucky for us Dean Winchester happens to live above a bar that is certainly not private property." Castiel bites his lip, despite wanting to Castiel could find no fault in the logic. At this point Dean didn't have a lawyer but there was no doubt he would probably have one by the hearing.

"We should go to the bunker first update Naomi."

Zachariah sighs but doesn't protest, Naomi was a force to be reckoned with and she liked to be updated regularly.

They drive in silence and once they entering the building Castiel casts Charlie a withering look before following Zachariah into Naomi's office. As they entered Castiel is temporarily blinded by how white it is. Everything from the desk to the bookcase was coated in the ridiculous colour and it caused Naomi (who wore a black suit most days) to stand out in contrast. Castiel thought she did this on purpose as a way to show her authority over their ever shrinking task force.

"Agents" Naomi said as a form of greeting. They nod at her not taking a seat until she motions for them to do so.

"Dean Winchester was released before we could get him to agree."

Naomi sigh shaking her head at them, they had at least one CI in almost every key part in legions operations but the fighting pits had remained a mystery to them.  
"We have an idea to approach him at the bar below his apartment, we were incredibly close to closing.." Zachariah begins before Naomi silences him with a simple look.

"Castiel" she says turning her icy eyes to him, "go to the bar and see what you can do, Zachariah I'd like a word."

Zachariah gulps slightly and Castiel knows his earlier predictions were right. He practically sprints out the door not wanting to anger Naomi any further his mission clear in his head. Dean Winchester was going to say yes even if Castiel had to force him too. The Case was the most important thing and despite Dean's past he was too important to let go.

Sighing Castiel fixes the collar of his coat, runs a hand through his hair making it stick up more than usual. He would go to the bar, but he has a quick stop to make first.

...........

Frowning Castiel stands in the hallway looking at his apartment door. He had turned on his phone, on the way and grimaced at the ten missed calls. He wants to put this off as much as possible, but the bar Cas had seen photographed seemed like a dive and Castiel knows he would stick out in his suit.

Eventually gaining courage Castiel opens the door trying to make as little noise as possible. Praying that Bartholomew was gone or at least was asleep, a bit unlikely at 6pm but a man could dream.

When Castiel walks in it was hard to ignore the overpowering smell of tobacco in the air and from that smell alone Castiel knows it had to be bad, because despite his flaws Bartholomew hardly ever smoked indoors. Looking around his apartment Castiel isn't surprised to see the boxes littering the usually sparse space. Bartholomew looks up when he enters. Grunting as he packs more and more of his stuff into them.

The two share a look, there was no love there. Honestly Castiel wasn't sure there ever had been. The entire venture was a desperate bid for a distraction. A way to distract himself from the aftermath of his suspension. It had started as a one-night stand, which turned into a weekend which turned in a vicious cycle of a need for attention, sex and booze. Those last months were close to the lowest times in Castiels life, and if he had been drunk enough Bartholomew could have made him laugh and Castiel had liked that. He liked Bartholomew's jokes and his oddly attractive face. Yet he was honestly surprised it lasted this long.

"Well?" Bartholomew says slamming a box lid shut.

Castiel shakes his head, throwing his keys on the counter top "Well what?"   
"Aren't you going to say anything?" Bartholomew asks almost desperately. Castiel learned pretty early on that Bartholomew craved attention and Castiel was usually happy to give it to him. But things had changed.

"Like what?" he asks looking around the room. Bartholomew sighs, he has been expecting it too it seems.

"I knew it the minute you got that call this was over, your obsessive Castiel you always have been. And that guilt you feel it's going to swallow you up some day and I'm not going to be there to pick up the pieces."

Castiel stares at him, he was right of course and Castiel honestly didn't have it in him to argue, he was so tired of it all. So he simply said "you done?"

Bartholomew lifts his hands in the air, a mock surrender. "Yeah Castiel we're done" Bartholomew lifts the first box shoving past him to walk out the door.

For the next ten minutes or so Bartholomew moved in and out hauling his boxes to his car. Castiel thinks about helping but he doesn't see the point instead he hid in the bedroom, changing out of the suit jacket and pants into a pair of jeans and an old t-shirt . When he finally emerges Bartholomew is almost finished. He lifts a middle finger in the he left when he places his key on the counter before he walks out the door.

Castiel stands in the silence, looking at the door. He doesn't know how long he stands there but it was enough to drive him insane and though he was technically working he needs a drink. Shrugging Castiel grabs his keys and walks out the door already having a bar in mind.

  
\---------  
  


 

 


	5. Chapter four

 

  
Dean leaves the station feeling like he has aged 4 years. There is a crick in his neck, bruising to his back and the borrowed sweatshirt he's wearing smells like old BO. Those things added to the sudden appearance of the FBI left an itch under his skin, a feeling of nausea in his stomach that clung heavily in the muggy heat. Honestly he felt shitty. Unfortunately he was about to feel worse, because standing not ten feet away was a very pissed off Bobby Singer.

He squints at Dean, probably taking in the too large sweatshirt, the bloody cheek and the sense of impending doom that lingered in the his eyes. Bobby then rubs a had over his trucker cap and shakes his head. "You gonna stand there all day, ya bleeding idjit." he says, looking at Dean with a mixture of rage and amusement. Dean sighs but moves to stand by the old man.

Bobby frowns glaring at Dean waiting till he's in close range before slapping the back of his head with his ratty cap.

“Ow.” Dean whines, rubbing the spot, which didn't really hurt but still, that was rude, even for Bobby.

Bobby rolls his eyes, sticking the cap back on. "You look like shit." He mutters.

Dean glares at him, "Yeah well so would you if you had been tackled by mountain and interrogated by a dickhead and his mute counterpart."

Bobby raises his eyebrows “Well then thats your own damn fault, you're lucky i'm here at all, Ellen was practically gunning over here to pick you up, shotgun included."

Dean freezes hand gripped onto the truck's door handle, he looks at Bobby with wide eyes. For all the love in Ellen Harvelle, she was a terrifying force when pissed. Dean gulps then looks away scratching the back off his neck. "How'd you talk her outta of it" Dean he asks hesitantly, not forgetting the look on Bobby's face either.

"Told her I'd whoop you myself" Bobby chuckles slightly but his eyes are still disapproving. Dean looks at him knowing that Bobby knows exactly why he fights. Hell he watched as his step brother taught Dean a thing or two. Dean knew Bobby hated it but he also couldn't change it. Things were more complicated than that and Dean could be as stubborn as John when he needed to be.

Bobby had learned a long time ago how stubborn John could be, when he tried to force him to settle in Sioux Falls and received a punch to his face and five years of radio silence as gratitude. Not that Bobby could blame John, after his first wife died Bobby had hit the bottle swinging much like John did. That was until he met Ellen His saving grace in a flannel shirt. Ellen had stopped Bobby from drowning and when he got the call to inform him of his brother's death it was Ellen who convinced him to uproot for the boys instead of driving them back home. Dean thinks he regrets that now.

Those first few months had been rough. Sam had always been brilliant and was already set to go to Stanford to cope with the grief in his own way. Dean though he struggled, and because of that he found himself in the same hell hole his father never emerged from. The one and only time Bobby asked Dean for an explanation the Dean had simply replied with one word "Sam." Somehow that was enough for both of them to ignore the dangers.

Dean knows Bobby understands, but that didn't mean he’s happy about it. So he settles for glaring at Dean who looks at him from the passenger seat, guilt written all over his face. "I'll pay you back" Dean mumbles cracking his knuckles, unable to look at the glares anymore.

Bobby shakes his head, "Dammit boy, I don't care about that I care that you haven't realized that your brother is nearly 24 and you need to let him grow up for once."

Dean sighs then rubs his eyes, he is tired and sore and it's not like he can explain everything to Bobby. He can’t explain the days he spent making sure Sammy was fed as their father moved him state to state. He can barely think about the night he held Sam as he cried because their father's face looked more like a mask, due to the bruised tissue and blood. He just can't explain all that, he can’t sum up how he was responsible for that kid no matter what age he was. Its Dean’s job to be sure Sammy never had to live that life ever again.

They drive through the city in awkward, uncomfortable silence after that. Bobby had said his piece but Dean could still feel the full heat off his glares which he pretended to ignore. He places his sore head against the glass instead, glancing at the passing buildings, watching as the skyscrapers merge into normal sized buildings. LA was a disturbingly huge city and outside of the tourist trap that was Hollywood it was filled with equal parts grit and glazing that Dean loved.

They eventually stop on a crowded street corner, Dean's eyes immediately falling to a two story red brick building. The bar doors downstairs hang open as a man walks in, the cheerful logo with the name "The Dock" seemed to smile at Dean as he stared at his home.

"You working tonight?" Bobby asks taking in Dean's rough appearance one last time.

Dean shakes his head "Naw, Benny gave me the night off."

Bobby sighs turning to Dean who was already scrabbling out of the car, when Dean turns he shakes his head and says nothing. Dean shrugs walking into the bar, waving slightly at Benny as he made his way to the back door.

Benny stares at him, concern in his eyes. After John had died Benny offered Dean one of the two small apartments upstairs, in exchange Dean worked the bar paying off his rent and whatever else he needed. It was a nice arrangement and Dean had jumped on the opportunity to escape Bobby and Ellen's concerned gazes since Sam was already gone. Dean had appreciated Benny's sympathy then, but he's not in the mood for it now. He waves Benny off climbing the rickety stairs instead.

Walking into his apartment door Dean is greeted to the sight of a cheap green couch on hard wood floors, the smell of Chinese lingers from the night before and the window leading to the fire escape is open, letting muggy air inside. From here he can hear the slight muttering of the music from the bar below an almost faded whisper in the quiet space that was simply Deans.

Without so much as a passing glance Dean trudges to the shower determined to leave the mess of his day behind. Pulling of his jeans and the sweatshirt Dean steps into the hot spray of the shower relishing in the bitter sting of water on bruised skin. His thoughts immediately wandering to the two FBI agents.

He hadn't told Bobby; the old man was already too nervous about Dean's safety as it is. The last thing he needs is the FBI snooping around, but he can't shake of Zachariah's words. "We'll be in touch." It doesn't take an idiot to realize that Dean wasn't getting out of this one with something as simple as a $100 bail fee and a parole meeting.

Things were definitely going to get more complicated that was for sure. He knew that they wanted him to snitch that much was obvious but Dean couldn't understand why? Why him? What had Dean done that made him quality snitching material?

Lost in his musings he ignores the water turning cold his thoughts drifting to the second agent. Castiel? What kind of a name was that anyway? He wasn't sure if it was some kind of good cop bad cop ploy but he seemed nicer than the bossy man beside him. Dean wondered if he would ever see him again. He hadn’t been charged yet and he hadn't agreed to anything, so he was probably home free. Right?  
Sighing Dean stepped out of the shower. He needed a drink and thankfully he happened to know where to find a good one.

****

Dean looks around the bar taking it all in, the old dart board, the smell of stale beer and pork rinds and the lopsided TV playing whatever sports channel Benny had decided on. The place is a dive, that much was obvious but Dean loved it all anyway. It always held a certain appeal despite its appearance.

Deans looks around again, eyes lingering on the group of people at the back, mostly on the girl. She was hot, with pretty blonde hair and eyes that screamed trouble. Unfortunately for her, her friend was also quite attractive despite his questionably braided beard. Dean's eyes flicker between them, trying to decide which one was worth his time. Because if there was one thing his little meeting had made clear Dean was going to run out of that soon, one way or another.

"Would you just hurry up and pick one already." Benny says his thick Cajun accent deep and familiar as the bar itself.

"What's there to pick Benny I like girls, I like guys the sooner you get used to that the better it will be." Dean jokes knowing that Benny wasn't talking about that, he had accepted Dean a long time ago and that would never change but when Benny got like this it was best to try and throw away the conversation.

Benny elbows his arm. "You know I don't mean that Dean, you're nearly 30 for God's sake and you're still living above my bar and hitting on anything that walks into it."

Benny was a diehard monogamist, he had dated his wife Andrea in high school and married her not long after. He didn't seem to understand the drifter lifestyle Dean had anymore that Dean understood his simplistic one. It also didn't help that outside of Ellen and Bobby, Benny was the only one who knew about Dean fighting. Something Sam didn't even know about for obvious reasons. The strange thing was Benny seemed to believe that if Dean settled down he would give that life up. Clearly the man was delusional.

"What are you my mother?" Dean asks turning away from the group to glare at his friend. "Why do care so much?"

Benny rolls his eyes, "Well somebody has to"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what Dean; I mean look at you your bruised more than I've seen you for a long time." Dean flinches slightly remembering the fight. Despite none of the bruising being visible it's obvious in the way he sits that he's hurt. Clearly Benny can tell.

Dean holds up his hands, looking away. "Please Benny not you too Bobby's already up my ass about it."

"Good!" Benny practically cheers, that is until he looks Dean in the eyes. Seeing the exhaustion there Benny seems to deflate slightly all sense off worrying gone. "Twelve o'clock" Benny mutters a smirk on his face.

Dean smirked back happy that Benny was off his back at least for tonight. Keeping it in place Dean turned to find the person that Benny had suggested. Only to freeze when he found himself once again looking at a pair enticingly blue eyes.

"Hello, Dean." The agent mutters, Dean glares back heart thumping in his chest, an unnerving backdrop to the smooth sound of Castiels voice.

Dean clears his throat, sharing the man down "Agent." he says coldly. They regarded each other, green eyes meeting blue, a challenge hanging between them. Castiel shakes his head, looking away first almost ashamed.

"What are you doing here?" Dean asks through gritted teeth. Clearly pissed. It was stupid to assume that these guys would leave him alone, but he thought he had time. At least until the hearing. But it appeared that the Universe really hated Dean Winchester because instead of time it had given him 6ft of agent sex-hair before he had even got a drink. Fucking Perfect.

Castiel smiles sheepishly, "Honestly?" Dean nods. "I needed a drink." He says with a casual shrug.

Dean looks at him, eyebrows raised. Castiel chooses to ignore him instead sitting beside Dean motioning for two beers. Benny respond almost immediately smirking at Dean clearly thinking that this was a good thing and held up his hand when Castiel offered him cash.

"On the house." He say with a wink before turning away.  
Dean shakes his head glaring at Castiel who shrugs, pocketing the cash. He hands Dean his beer before taking a long sip of his own.  
  
"He thinks I'm gonna get laid" Dean mutters grudgingly, laughing softly at the idea of this situation being that simple.

Castiel says nothing, but there is a hint of a smile when he meets Dean’s gaze. "Sorry to be such a letdown." he mumbles catching Dean's eye. They gaze at each other eyes once again before Dean coughs slightly, breaking the spell.

Tapping his beer bottle Dean sighs, "What are you really doing here man?"

"I told you, I wanted a drink. My boss wants your agreement and I thought hell, two birds one stone." Castiel shrugs, exhaustion lacing his voice.

For a second Dean feels sorry for him, the guy was just doing his job after all. Somehow that annoys Dean even more,"So what? Are you people stalking me now is that it because I thought that was illegal or some shit."

Castiel smirks, disregarding Deans rage with a patient sigh. "We need your help Dean and your address happens to be in your file."

"My file?"

"In case you forgetting you have been arrested before."

Dean huffs at the man's outright sarcasm, he may be hot Dean decides but man if this guy isn’t a great big pile of dicks.

"I would like to speak to you Dean." Castiel ignores Dean's eye roll taking a sip of his beer. "Not threaten you, like Zachariah did I just need you to understand."

"Understand what?"

He turns to Dean gaze steady as glass, "Why we need you Dean."

Dean swallows. He is pissed there's no denying that, but damn if he isn't curious. "Fine.” Dean sighs looks up at the ceiling, as if looking for a god he doesn't believe exists. “let's talk."

 

 

 


	6. chapter five

Castiel pulls Dean over to corner booth away from the crowd. Once there Dean sits across from him, glaring at Castiel with the kind of malice most people reserve for the LA traffic. "So agent.” Dean asks, drawing the title out sarcastically. “where's your partner? I thought this was the sweet life of Zach and Cas?"

Castiel rolls his eyes, “Zachariah is busy.”

Dean scoffs, “What's he doing, tormenting some other poor bastard. ”

Castiel takes a breath, looks down at the table, nails scraping over the cheep wood. He then looks back at Dean, hopefully more composed.  "I'm not going to lie to you Dean but there's a few things you have to understand. The first thing is that Zachariah is a dick." Castiel says the words with his usual cold honesty but Dean's eyes widen in response.

Slowly Dean shakes his head, laughing softly "I'm not going to argue with that."

Castiel shrugs, "Usually it's a good thing, it means we can manipulate people very quickly not waste time trying to convince them to trust us because they have no other choice. You however are different." he pauses, looks over Dean's face for any signs of hostility before he continues. "You don't care about yourself, not really." 

Dean makes a choking noise, spluttering on his beer. He hits his chest twice before pointing at Castiel.  “Look buddy-”  

"Let me finish." Castiel says cutting in before he can even even begin. "My point is Dean; you don't care about yourself, you care about other people.You don't need to be threatened, because if you thought it would would help, someone, say your brother. You’d do the time without question. So I doubt it would work out if we continued down Zachariah's path. We need you Dean plain and simple but I'm not going to force you to say yes, I'm simply going to show you why you should."

Dean rolls his eyes. “Oh is that all.”

Castiel pauses, mostly to glare at him. He briefly assesses Dean's reaction or the surprising lack off. His face gives no indication of how he was feeling. He simply stares at the agent waiting for him to continue. Castiel shakes his head but pulls out a file from inside his trench coat. Technically he shouldn't show anyone its contents, but Naomi had made it clear that getting Deans help was more important than any formalities. Castiel opens it freezing at the glossy photos beneath his hands, pulling them out pile he throws the first one down in front of Dean.

Dean looks down, then flinches at the sight. Castiel can't say he blames him. The picture is a close up of a body that what was once innocent college student. Her pupils arevblown wide and bloodshot, dark veins snake up her neck in almost black coils. It's a disturbing sight to behold and Castiel was just proud Dean didn't pass out.

"Why are you showing me this?" Dean asks his voice shaking.

"Because you need to understand Dean. Her name was Ava Wilson she was 19 years old at a college party and was convinced by her friends to get high. She OD'd" Castiel explains keeping his voice emotionless. It's easier that way.  "She was the first that we know off but she wasn't the last. " He throws down another photo this time showing a man with block vomit clinging to his beard. "Andrew Gallagher. He was apparently always into soft drugs but after his twin died he hit the hard stuff."

Dean blinks, takes another long pull of his beer, Castiel throws down another photo, "Jake Talley, He was supposed to be getting a scholarship but somehow he ended up in a den in Sacramento.”

Castiel continues the process throwing down a photo and giving a brief description until 18 photos cover the table below them. Only pausing when Dean went to get a second beer, he's nursing it now. Pity in his eyes as he looks at the pictures. 

Castiel taps the table, "Every single one of these people died three years ago, all from the same unknown drug stemming from this city. An undercover task force was set up in order to find the supplier. It was around that time that things took a turn for the worst."

“We were called into investigate after the drug, croatoan wasn't found in any known database. While a new designer drug is not uncommon, the amount of violence showing in it's users was cause for concern especially after more than one user was pulled into the station.” Castiel stops, memories of that time rising to the surface. He ignores them, focusing only on the task at hand. Dean stares at him with that same indecipherable look. He is paler and shaking slightly but he offers a small nod as a sign Castiel should continue.

Castiel throws down another photo down. This one different from the others. Instead of showing the broken bodies of Crotons victims it showed a man. There is a stab wound in his chest and a pair of Angel wings framing him on the ground. Castiel gulps down at the familiar sight."Jake Devins, was a cop from 75th he was investigating a possible storage site when he called in a possible threat. His body was found three days later."

Castiel taps the edges of the cardstock, before he pulls out the next photo. "We weren't positive about the gang activity tied to the drug, until Jimmy Anderson. he was retiring in two months' no one really knows what happened but his body was discovered in a similar style. We also got reports of some gang violence in the area for weeks. Most members that we lifted wore jackets, or tattoos with a pitchfork design, they all seemed to be selling croatan."

Castiel moves to throw down the next photo stopping when he sees the print. He traces the edges with his hand reverently. Eventually throwing it down on the table, when he speaks his voice is shaking. "Special Agent Samandriel Phillips. He was the first undercover agent to be discovered. He... He was 24 years old."

He stops, clears his throat, trying to get the cracking sound out. Dean stares at him, his gaze solid and oddly sympathetic. "You were close weren't you?" Castiel nods, looking away. "What happened to him?"

Rubbing a hand over his neck, Castiel shrugs. "I wish I knew. Because I know that it was my fault."

Silence falls, Castiel looks up into Dean's eyes thinking he's blown this Deal. Dean will never agree now that Castiel has fucked up. It's too much to handle for someone like Dean, but the compassion in his voice had pulled the answer from Castiels lips before he really thought about it.

Dean taps his bottle, meeting Castiels gaze "Did you stab him?"

Castiel shakes his head  "What? No!"

"Did you help the guy who did?"

"No."

"Did you make him go undercover in the first place?"

"No."

"Then it's not all your fault is it?" Dean shrugs a soft smile playing on his features. Castiel briefly wonders what Dean is doing. He doesn't know what Castiel has done, doesn't know how messed up he really was and yet there he is trying to comfort a man who had threatened him not three hours earlier. For a second Castiel hates the fact that the man has to be kind. Hates that it's job to manipulate that. 

Castiel was to leave, but he cant hes got a job to do, one that cant be ignored by Castiel liking his C.I. still he says,  "You're a good man Dean Winchester, stupidly naive of course but you're a good man all the same." 

Dean shrugs, a faint blush painting his cheeks. "You still haven't explained why you need me." 

Castiel sighs. "There has been others, cops and FBI alike. The group we're investigating, Legion. They always know who we are, always."

"So what? You need snitches to what, take your place for firing squad!" Dean growls eyebrows raised. 

"We need information; we need to stop the deaths the violence. All of this." Castiel gestures to the table. "It's just the tip of the iceberg and the rest, well it's enough to sink the Titanic. I'd give anything to not put you in this position Dean believe me I would. But we have no other choice. The less we know the more people die until there's nothing left but Legion."

Dean bites his lip, anger draining from his body at Castiel words. Castiel looks at the action and for a stupid moment he wonders what would happen if he lent over the table and kissed those lips, pulling at them with his own teeth. It's stupid thought. Probably caused by the emotional day that Castiel was currently suffering through. There's a certain magnetism he feel when he is around Dean. Something in him wants to get close, he wants to burn that part of himself away. Wants to keep level headed and professional despite Dean's pretty smile. He's just annoyed by how hard that is to control.  Suddenly drained Castiel sighs again all thoughts of kisses and duty leaving his head and filled with only one image. Samandriel, broken and bloody. He scrapes the table with his nail again, grabs his beer but doesn't drink. Just rolls the bottle between his palms "It may seem stupid Dean but we need you to do this. I need you to do this for him. For all of them."

An eternity passes as the two of them started at the table thinking of everything that had just happened, drowning in it. Dean looks up,  into Castiels eyes. 

He growls in frustration , but nods. "Fine. I'll do it, but not for them and not for you either. I'm doing this for Sammy, I still don't trust that partner of yours to not mess this up for him."

Castiel nods his understanding. After all he failed to protect his own Sam, he can understand Dean's need not to do the same. The agreement may be reluctant but it is the best he could hope for. "If it makes you feel any better I think Zachariahs being transferred back to Washington."

Dean gives a short laugh, "Strangely it does. So what do I need to do?"

"Right now, nothing. Officially I'm now responsible for your safety and I think it would be safer to lay low. None of the increased activity that the other CI's are forced to do unless it's essential. At the present moment the Pits association with Legion is just speculation. That's why we need you, you have a way in connections that should get you enough information to take them down. Until then just continue as normal. If there is a fight you go to it,  if not, you work and live your life as you usually do. The only change for you is that I'm planning on stopping by here, getting interviews and asking you questions. In return you receive immunity for today and any other crimes related to this case."

"Fan-Fricking-Tastic." Dean mutters sarcastically. "So information. That's it.”

Castiel nods "Yes. Unless it is demeaned essential for you to do otherwise."

Dean sighs before saying. "Okay thanks Cas." The nickname rolling easily of his tongue.

"For what? Endangering you"

"Helping me understand what I'm getting myself into. You were right I don't care about myself but I was going to say yes anyway for Sammy's sake. At least now I know it's not just for that dickheads satisfaction."

Castiel smiles and Dean returned it before saying tentatively "Guess this means you're my boss then doesn’t it?"

Castiel shakes his head "Technically the term is handler. I'm not going to boss you around Dean I just need you to tell me what I need to know."

Dean's eyes are thoughtful as he considered Castiels words. "Handler huh? Sounds vaguely dirty." Dean winks. Despite himself Castiel finds himself laughing, property laughing for the first time in almost a year. 

When he finally stops he holds out his hand towards Dean.

"I think this could be the start to a beautiful partnership, Dean Winchester."

Dean takes his hand eyes sparkling. "Partnership? I like it. And I'm starting to see that too, Agent."

"Cas" He says almost without thinking.

"What?"

"You can call me Cas"

"Okay, Cas."

"Now how about we get another drink?"

###

Dean had lied to Cas. He hadn't meant too, he was still pissed about the interview and stupidly he let it get to him. The truth was the minute Cas threw down the photo of Samandriel, Dean was on board. The look in Castiels eyes was enough for Dean to understand how much this meant to him. Hell to all of them. Suddenly dickheads like the Scarecrow and Zachariah didn't seem as important as they had before. Replaced by the sad agent with the world on his shoulders.

It was stupid to lie about his reasons, but Dean just didn't want to make Castiel feel any guiltier than he already did. The guy already blamed himself for so much  and if anything happened to Dean because of tonight, Dean didn't want him to carry that burden too. For some stupid reason he didn't want Cas to suffer.

"So Cas..." Dean starts, beer bottle tipped in his hands "Tell me about yourself."

Cas lifts his eyebrow, assessing Dean with a calculated look that was totally not hot. Like at all. He then smiles.  "Really, Dean?"

Dean shrugs ignoring Cas's judgment. "Come on man you know like my entire life story, least you could do is return the favor."

"I... I don't know your entire life story Dean." Cas stutters, Dean looks up giving him a look that rivalled Sam's signature bitchface. 

"I don't!" Cas says a bit more forcefully. "I just know your criminal record."

Deans eyebrow shot up at that, if Cas was half as smart as Dean thought he was he basically knew everything. "Dude that record has my bloody fingerprints in it believe when I say you know a hell of a lot more about than I do you."

"Okay so maybe I do know quite a bit." Cas mutters almost to himself before sighing. "What do you want to know?"

Dean smirks surprised that he had been able to wear Cas down so easily. "Why did you need a drink?"

Cas chokes on his beer, Dean immediately jumps over to his side patting the man's back until he stops coughing. "I'm not going to lie that wasn't what I expected." Cas says smiling under his watery eyes.

Dean shrugs, "What can I say I'm unconventional."

"That you are Winchester."

"So you going to tell me or are you going to deepthroat that bottle again?"

Cas laughs. A strong booming sound that Dean likes, he gets the feeling that Cas doesn't laugh much.  "I think I got dumped." he mutters almost sheepishly.

"You think?" Dean asks suddenly awkward. This wasn't the answer he was expecting, to be honest he wasn't expecting an answer at all. But like Cas said earlier he wasn't going to lie to Dean. It was strange to have someone be that honest to Dean of all people. He honestly wasn't sure how to handle it. Apparently his solution was sarcasm, just like everything else in his odd little life. Cas didn't seem bothered by that though, if anything he appeared to be amused and Dean felt himself relax just a little. "I think so, I'm pretty sure I was just pissed at him so it's mostly mutual."

Dean lifts his eyebrow again at the pronoun. He knows that deep down Cas and him don’t have a chance, for well anything but a man could dream right?

"So why the drink if you're not sad about it?" Dean says smiling ever so slightly. Maybe just slightly flirting. 

Cas shakes his head, probably at Dean's failed attempt, "honestly I think I'm celebrating." He says smiling ever so slightly.

Dean smiles back, trying not to read into any suggestion of Cas’s words. It was only then that he realized he was still sitting on Cas's side of the booth. Close enough that he could see Cas seemed to be built to be the one thing Dean really wanted but could never have. He always had a thing for brunettes, but the jawline and sharp cheekbones were not helping Dean's decision to ignore the man. 

Cas coughs slightly obviously catching him, feeling a blush creeping up his neck  Dean looks away slowly moving back to own side of the table.

"I gather you're not exactly straight?" Cas say with an almost mocking smile. 

Dean blushes again but he can't stop the sarcasm rolling of his tongue."yeah. Well neither are you, so you have no right to judge."

Cas chuckles, "That is very true." Their eyes met and soon both men are laughing again soothing the awkward tension that had been hanging around them all night.

"So..." Dean says after the moment had passed. "How long you been at this agent stuff Cas."

"Six years." Cas says with an almost whimsical smile.

"That's not so bad." Dean mutters, slightly surprised. Cas couldn't be a day over 30 but his eyes were so much older and Dean was starting to blame his job for that. 

"It feels longer." Cas mutters, sipping his beer.

Dean laughs "Why? I thought it would be like all badass."

"If three cases a year and mountains of paperwork is badass them I'm definitely in the right profession."

"Only three really?"

"TV shows tend to cut out all the red tape. It's not all murders and car chases."

"Why do it then? I mean I don't want to offend you but you don't sound like you enjoy it that much."

Cas shrugs. "Why do you fight?"  he asks suddenly filled with an odd intensity. 

Dean gulps, there were a million reasons why he fought most of them leading to his moose of a brother with his too long haircut. "Um… My family I guess?"

Cas sighs tapping the now empty glass. "Maybe I do what I do for the same reason."

"You got any siblings?" Dean asks understanding the new tone in Cas's voice. He heard it in his own often enough.

"Sort of." 

"God, am I ever going to get a straight answer out of you?" Dean says with a chuckle.

Cas rolls his eyes. "My adopted brother, Gabriel. He's also in the bureau. He's basically the reason I joined."

Dean raises an eyebrow, Cas had given him more information than he had expected in just a few words. Dean didn't know how Cas could be like this so open and honest, it was unnerving to say the least. "You were in the system?" he asks trying to put some compassion in his voice.

"Since I was five." Cas mutters somewhat indifferently. He suddenly seems detached, not from the topic but from Dean himself.

"Sorry..." Dean says in a rush. "I shouldn't pry like that."

Cas looks at him coldly. "I have no problem with my past Dean. It's who I am, but I don't need your pity."

Dean stares at the man in shock, speaking honestly for what was probably the first time that night. "I don't pity you Cas, I'm just..." Dean stalls waving his hand in the air. "I'm just bad with this kind of thing you know... Most people, they're not this honest with me. I don't know what you want me to do with it."

"I don't want you to do anything Dean,  just don't pretend around me; this is a partnership remember."

"Cas-" Dean starts but he is suddenly interrupted by Cas's phone.

Cas quickly pulls the phone out of his pocket, answering it with a frown on his face.

Dean frowned as well, in those few seconds Cas had visibly changed. His posture was stiffer and his voice had returned to the formal one from the interview room. Dean watched him as Cas bobbed his head with the words on the other line.

"I don't understand-"..."Yes I'm close-"..."I don't... ok... ok... would you just slow down for two seconds I'm on my way now." Cas hangs up throwing down his phone.

"Ex?" Dean guesses considering Cas’s tone.

"Homicide." Cas replies like it's a completely normal thing.  He Ignores the shock on Dean's face. "I've got to go but I'll be back to check in every so often, it's safer not to keep a schedule. People notice patterns like that." Cas continues snapping into Agent Novak mode so fast Dean got whiplash. Was this really the honest guy from a minute ago.

"See you around, Cas." Dean says somewhat sadly. Cas just nods moving to leave, Dean catches his wrist. "Just be careful yeah. I prefer you to the balding douchebag."

Cas smiles at Dean before leaving the bar his trench coat separating him from the usual Wednesday crowd. Dean watches him go before picking up his neglected beer and tried to work out what the fuck just happened.


	7. chapter six

The body lies lifeless on the slab as Tessa examines it. Castiel has seen death before. Dozens of times in photos, on crimes scenes, hell even in his dreams. He had long gotten over his fear, but he had never got over the sight. How a body looked empty and wrong, how it no longer looked human. The body on the slab looks almost untouched despite some bruises and scars but he didn't seem mortally wounded. Castiel suppressed a shiver at his too pale skin.

"Tes?" Castiel he says to the distracted M.E. He has been around her long enough now to know she prefers the nickname and has a tendency to get lost in her work. From the surprise on her face she hadn't seen Castiel come in.

"Castiel" She smiles guiltily, almost like she hadn't been prepared for his arrival.

"What happened?" he asks looking down at the body noticing that Tessa,seems more shaken than usual. Her curious green eyes are filled with some unknown fear. It had been part of the reason he had come here. Naomi hadn't called and technically he was finished for the night. He doesn't have to be here, but Tessa had called him and the fear in her voice made him worry.

The two exchange a look and Castiel smiles slightly. Since he had been reinstated they had become somewhat awkward friends and despite the body beneath him Castiel wants to be sure she was okay.

As if reading his thoughts Tessa shakes her head, "I'm fine Cas." She says her voice returning to her usual spunky tone. To his credit Castiel hid his shock at the nickname. It wasn't uncommon, most of his friends called him Cas but after hearing Dean say it the word took on an entirely new meaning.

he raises an eyebrow at her "Then why did you call me?" 

Tessa sighs,"This was Max Miller, 29. His body was recovered from his home near 74th." Tessa says, her professional composure kicking in.

Castiel frowns, he has heard the name before. "Cause?"

Tessa bites her lip, lifting Max’s right arm. A small pitchfork is tattooed to his wrist. "That's the thing Cas. As far as I can tell it was rat poison."

Castiel freezes. The name suddenly very vivid in his brain, but it was impossible. They couldn't know could they?

Tessa watches him carefully, seeing the understanding on his face she continues."There's also this." Tessa say pointing at further down max’s forearm. Carved into the skin lies one word.  _ "Jeremiah 2:13" _

"I had Billie look it up." She says pulling out a piece of paper. " _ For My people have committed two evils: They have forsaken Me, the fountain of living waters, to hew for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns That can hold no water.' _ I mean I don't know about you but that sounds like someone broke someone's trust right. Oh and then there's his phone. He phoned the tip line Cas! I mean-"

Castiel rubs his head a sign of his overwhelming stress.  "Tessa please slow down for five minutes."

She doesn't, instead she raises her voice "I was right wasn't I? He's a informer, like my brother?" 

Castiel stares at her, then nods. Part of the reason they had become friends was because Tessa's brother Ezekiel had been caught dealing Croatan. At the time it had confused Castiel how the two were even slightly related but Tessa's love for brother was clear. The sentiment was clearly returned because when Zachariah threatened Tessa's position Zeke point blank agreed to do whatever he wanted, including be a CI. Tessa had found out by some miracle and after many fights she agreed that it was safer for Zeke to stay where he was for now. Max Milligan had been another CI and the irony of his death wasn't lost on either of them. No wonder Tessa had called. He looked at her and without hesitation he pulled the girl into a hug.

"I'll watch out for him." He mumbles into her hair ignoring the sweet smell of rot and rose perfume that seemed to cling to her skin.

"I know." She sighs, pulling back unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. "You should call Naomi; she'll want to know about this."

Castiel nods, reluctantly pulling out his cell.

"Castiel” Naomi says coldly. “Do we have Dean Winchester's agreement." 

Castiel sighs, rubbing his neck "Yes. Naomi, Max Milligan is dead."

The line goes silent. Seconds feel like years as Castiel waits for his bosses' reply.

"Where are you?" Naomi asks eventually , her voice giving nothing away.

"The morgue."

"I'll send Raphael over now." She pauses thinking for a second, "When he arrives I expect you to go home Castiel I need you for sharp tomorrow."

Castiel freezes surprised by the caring nature of her words (because as far as Naomi goes that was damn well sentimental). "Ok." He mumbles as the line went dead.

Tessa watches him. Taking in the detective's rumpled attire and tired blue eyes. "Long day?"

"The longest." Castiel says with a sigh, Tessa places a comforting hand on his shoulder just as the Dr. Bishop walks in. The two turn to stare at the perpetually thin man and Castiel suppressed another shiver.

Bishop has apparently been around forever and in Castiels head he was the image of Death himself. Everything about the man feels cold and twisted like the morgue he worked in. Surprisingly in his wrinkled hands the man held a box of pizza.

Castiel raises an eyebrow at Tessa who is already moving away to grab a slice. "You can seriously eat in here?" He asks.

"Why not?" Bishop replies his voice steady as he crunched a pickle between his thin lips. "They're just people Castiel."

Castiel shrugs trying not to show his disgust. Tessa watches the exchange with a hint of amusement in her eyes. "Castiel has a soft side." She offers as explanation, Bishop nods like that explains everything. Hell maybe it does. 

shaking his head at both of them Castiel is suddenly aware of how tired he is. The day's events are slowly catching up on him. It had been a long day and suddenly Castiel realized he hadn't eaten much. Stomach growling Castiel threw away his disgust and grabbed a slice of the pizza, ignoring the attendant's smirks.

Time passes slowly, Tessa and Bishop discussed cases sometimes pulling Castiel into the conversation. As the agent sat down full of pizza and completely exhausted. When Raphael walks in Castiel passes him without a word, briefly nodding a hello before moving to his car.

Once arriving at the apartment door Castiel is surprisingly greeted with silence. Bartholomew is gone. Castiel remembers with a start. Despite the expectation he hadn't really reacted well. His brain too focused on the case, which in hindsight was kind of the problem. Castiel sighs again forgetting about Bartholomew for now. His tired mind focusing on nothing but the empty bed and falling asleep almost immediately.

Surprisingly for the first time in months Castiel wasn't woken by nightmares. Instead he dreamed of barstools and brilliant green eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N short I know the next chapter will be way way longer.  
> Side note does anyone watch Izombie because as I was writing this all I could picture was Liv and Ravi as Tessa and Death and it made me smile.  
>  


	8. chapter seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so prepare for a totally new chapter that  
> A. is going to be long Af  
> B. Will be split into multiple POVs and dates each one will separate accounts. (done the English way cause I’m awkward sometimes.)

14/08/15

Castiel shows up to the bar at 2pm. He taps his fingers against the his Continental wheel as he stares inside the foggy windows, it's been 3 days since he has last seen Dean Winchester and he's still thinking about him. Sighing he walks into the bar, watching Dean laugh with a gruff looking bartender serving beside him. He has a nice laugh, lighting up his face in a way it didn't the last night they met. Unfortunately, he stops when he Castiel walks in.

"Dude." Dean sighs, cleaning a glass. "You can't just barge in here.” 

Castiel shrugs, “I didn't barge in, I walked. We need to talk Dean” 

Dean puts down the glass then rubs the back of neck. “I know this is important but I've got to work for at least another half an hour, Benny's just about to leave for his break. "

"I can wait." Castiel replys with a shrug

. 

"But you can't just... Ugh. Fine.”  Dean rolls his eyes. “You want anything? Coffee? Beer?"

Castiel smiles "Can't do the Beer I'm on duty, but I'll take the coffee, you’ve got any food? I haven't ate since this morning."

Dean sighs "Yeah Ash is manning the grill, for a guy with a mullet he makes a mean burger."

Castiel raises an eyebrow, Dean laughs. "Don't worry Cas, he wears a hairnet."

"Okay then." Castiel says doubtfully.   

Dean smiles before moving down the bar strangely enough Castiel finds himself smiling.

Twenty minutes later Dean sits down in the same corner booth as the night before. Castiel pulls a tape recorder from his coat pocket just as Dean places two burgers between then. Smiling he lifts his burger, 

looking up at Dean with surprise when it actually tastes good. Dean smirks but doesn’t say anything, Castiel doesn't either. 

Pulling out a pen Castiel opens a notebook and presses record on the recorder. “Okay Dean can you tell me what you know about the gang called legion?” 

Dean shrugs, biting a chip and frowns at him. “Not counting what you told me. I've got nothing.”

Castiel frowns, “What about Alastair Ripper?” 

Dean shrugs, “As far as I know he runs the Pits has done for as long as I've known him anyway.” 

“And how long have you known Mr Ripper?”

“Well I don't know him personally hell I've only met the guy once but he's been running this thing since my dad started so seven years? Eight maybe.”

Castiel sighs, writing the information down “And how long have you been fighting for the pits?”

Dean tenses, throwing his burger down on the plate. “Why does it matter?” 

Castiel shrugs, lips twitching into a wry grin. “Answering a question with a question, you sure your brothers the lawyer?” 

Dean rolls his eyes. “Bite me Cas.” 

“Just answer the question Dean.” 

“Four years, since my dad died I guess.” Dean looks down at the table and bites his lip.  “Look can I just go now? I have work to do.”

Castiel sighs, shaking his head. “Whatever you want Dean.”

18/08/15 

Dean is sweeping the floor at 3am,  _ "Working Man"  _ playing on Benny's beat up juke box. When Castiel shows up, he knocks on the door trench coat blowing in the wind. Glaring at him, Dean opens the door and ignores the smirk on the agent's face. "Oddly appropriate song choice." he says. 

Dean rolls his eyes."Once again bite me Cas."

Cas smiles lifting an eyebrow. "I'm beginning to think you have a fetish Dean." Dean stops brushing taking aback by Cas's almost bored tone despite his smirk and Deans blushes. Fucker.

"You're a smartass Novak." he mumbles turning away. 

Cas smiles "So I've been told."

Dean shrugs looking at Cas again, trying to understand why the hell the man is here at 3am, "So are you here to ask me questions or what?"

Cas sighs "That depends? Are you going to get all defensive again?"

Dean rolls his eyes "That Depends."

Dean isn't positive, but he's pretty sure Cas actually groans in frustration. It causes Dean to smirk, at least until Cas pulls out his dinky little tape recorder. Dean leans against the table, Cas sitting on a chair beside him, looking up at him like he's something wild and terrible. He hits play. “So Dean how did you discover the pits?” 

Dean takes a deep breath, determined not to lose his cool he knows that this is what they're supposed to be discussing his past, that's what he's signed up for but it's been so long since he told someone that it's hard not to get defensive. “My dad got into a fight one night at some bar called "The Crossroads" beat this guy up pretty bad. He lost his job that night and I guess  Al was just there. He saw the whole thing offered him a deal. Step into the ring and he would make him a legend. I don't know why but my dad bought into but went to his first fight that weekend. After that he was basically hooked.” 

Cas tilts his head, “And he told you about it?” 

Shrugging Dean tries to keep the bitterness out of his voice. “Well yeah he would get beat up pretty bad you know? Someone had to look after him and Sammy.”

“How old were you?” Cas grits out, he sounds mad and Dean can feel himself hiding behind old walls. 

“Sixteen I guess, why does that matter?”

Cas scoffs. “Because you were a just a child and suddenly you were cleaning up your father's messes.” 

Dean rolls his eyes fists clenched. Despite being dead for four years Dean still wants to rush to his father's defence. “It wasn't a sudden thing Cas I had 12 years of practice believe me nothing changed when dad entered the ring except we stayed in one city for longer than a year.”

For a second cas looks furious, as in a  _ i'm gonna kill you  _ way, He cracks his knuckles, then looks at Dean who’s glaring right back at him defensively. Cas shakes his head “It just doesn't seem right, Dean”

“Is it really your job to question that, Agent?” Dean grits out, he knows he had a shitty childhood. But something's not right about Cas’s anger. After all he is the man whose job is putting Dean in danger,what right does he have to judge any body. 

As if sensing that Cas sighs. “Fine. How did you wind up the Pits?”

“Cas-” Dean starts then shakes his head. He can't deal with this discussion at three am. No matter who's at stake, “that's a long story and I'm pretty tired can we do this some other time?”

Cas rubs his temples. “As you wish.” 

“Since when do I look like a Buttercup to you?” Dean jokes trying to ease the tension. 

Tilting his head cas frowns. “I don't understand that reference.” 

Dean smiles shaking his head but doesn't say anything. Eventually Cas shrugs and walks out of the bar. Dean watches him go, unable to get the little head tilt Cas did out of his head, since when do agents of the law look so adorable. Damn if he wasn’t fucked.

Castiel meanwhile walks out of the bar with an overwhelming need to hit a deceased man because apparently Dean isn’t just a nice guy he’s a freaking martyr. Who also happened to listen to Rush while sweeping the floor. Damn he’s fucked.

25/08/15 

Once again Castiel shows up at 3 am. This time Dean is listening to Foreigner. Castiel quirks his head. "Cold as Ice. Really Dean?"

Dean points at him. “Shut up.” he mutters, vigorously cleaning a table. "You have no place to judge, where the hell have you been man?"

"Busy.” Castiel shrugs. His eyes itch and he can feel the sleepy gritness to his voice when he talks. “On the night we apprehended you somebody killed a man named Max Miller, Max left a tip for Detective,  Victor Hendrickson, that's how he found you. Unfortunately, it seems Max's killer also knows about the tip because he sent Hendrickson a threat we had to move him to protective custody."

Dean freezes, eyes wide "What was the threat?"

"A toy angel, I know you saw those photos so you can understand why we're wary." he says trying to keep his tone neutral, but with the way Dean's wringing his dishcloth Castiel doubts it's working. 

"Jesus Cas."

"I know."

Dean bites his lip. "Max... was he... Was he a C.I like me?" Dean asks his voice wavering.

Castiel closes his eyes "Unfortunately."

Dean begins to scrub the table again. Almost furiously, "Shit. I mean just shit." he mutters almost to himself. 

Castiel let him be for a few minutes but when he doesn't stop cleaning that one spot Castiel moves forward. He grabs Dean's bicep forcing him to stop. Looking at the table he notices that some of the paint has peeled away. "Dean you need to calm down. I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Dean rolls his eyes, pulling his arm from Castiels grip "Yeah like you didn't let anything happen to Max!?"

"I wasn't Max's Handler, Agent Hannah Prescott was, but that's not the point. Nobody knows about you. Max was mixing in with the elite groups he was way up in the drug ring your safe Dean."

Dean looks down, picking at the now scrapped table. "How can you know that Cas?"

Castiel sighs before pulling out the phone he brought for this exact reason. "I probably shouldn't give this too you because it makes me liable as well but take this. I promise I'll always come when you call. You think someone's being weird, getting too close I'll be here okay."

Dean nods his hands drifting over Castiels as he takes the phone. Castiel takes a step back, "Get some sleep Dean. I'll stop by later to do the interview, you need to think things through for now."

Dean frowns, spinning the phone in his hands once. "What would happen if I skipped town." he asks hesitantly.

Castiel sighs giving Dean a sad smile. "Naomi would hunt you down, she takes Disobedience very seriously."

Dean raises an eyebrow "Disobedience! Really that's what you think I'm doing here?"

"No I think you're trying to save yourself.” Castiel mutters. “I wouldn’t blame you for that, but Naomi... She would put out a warrant and she would arrest you and the Legion would know anyway. Believe me, if I thought it would work I'd drive you out myself."

"Why?" Dean asked in an almost whisper.

Castiel hesitates walking towards the door so he didn't have to see Dean's face. "Because you deserve to be saved... Goodnight Dean." he walks out before Dean can respond.

Dean stares at the door for a long time and begins to wonder how someone as good as Cas seemed to care for a man like him.  Funny how if they had done the interview that night he probably would have made Cas change his mind. God Dean really doesn't want to tell him why he fought anymore.

29/08/15 

That day Castiel decided he needed to be a professional, he cant risk the 3am confessions that he seems to blurt out now a day's. So instead he comes at 2:30 close to Dean's lunch break. Hopefully this would help with the impending weight Castiel feels on his heart when he thinks about Dean's situation.  As he walks into the bar Dean freezes, roughly placing down a pint of beer. Castiel makes his way to the bar smiling at Dean softly, "You feeling okay?"

Dean blinks owlishly pretending that he was only now noticed Castiels presence. "Yeah."

Castiel frowns "You look pale."

"Yeah I do that when I'm nervous."

Rubbing a hand over his hair, Castiel shakes his head "Dean if this is about Max- "

"It's not about that. Look if we're doing this interview today can you just come with me to Benny's office I don't want to do this out here."

Castiel nods and Dean grabs his wrist dragging him through a steel door marked staff. In the new room Castiel takes in what appears to be a kitchen amazed by the cook who was indeed sporting a hairnet and a mullet.

Dean waves at him "Heya Ash I'm just gonna go into Benny's office okay."

Ash looked up glancing at Dean, then at Castiel then back to Dean again. He smirks at both of them "okay hombre but keep it clean yeah Benny has to work in there to you know." Ash says with a wink.

Despite himself Castiel blushes, Dean doesn't seem to notice. Instead he pulls Castiel along into a small wood panelled room. Letting go of Castiels hand Dean turns to close the door, leaning his head against the wood he mumbles  "God this is going to suck."

"Dean- "Castiel begins before Dean holds up his cut him off.

Dean bites his lip, looking at his feet "You meant what you said right about the immunity thing right. I can't get put away for this?"

"Yes... why?" Castiel asks, not hiding his confusion. 

Dean just nods, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck "good, that's um good to know."

Castiel frowns at him "Dean you're not making any sense."

"You wanted me to tell you how I ended up in the pits I'm going to tell you.” Dean says with a shrug “Just do me a favour ok? Try not to hate me for it. I know it's awful, god I know but If I get put away for this then Sam will... god I don't even know what they'll do to Sam... Jesus this was a mistake." Dean hits the door, breathing erratically. 

"Dean slow down.” Castiel says placing what he hopes is a comforting hand on Dean's shoulder  “who's after Sam?"

Dean bites his lis again, shaking slightly. "Nobody, at least not yet but God why am I even talking to you if they find me- "

Grabbing his shoulders, Castiel forces Dean to meet his eye. "Dean I am doing everything in my power to keep them from finding out and if you think Sam is in danger then I might be able to put a detail on him."

"NO!" Dean shouts and despite himself Castiel jumps. "Sorry... it's just I don't want Sam involved in well any off this and I just... Shit Cas I really fucked up." 

Castiel shrugs, "Maybe you did."

"What?" Dean asks with wide eyes. 

Castiel frowns at him. "What? I'm not going to say you didn't somehow you wound up fighting people for money I'm not going to defend that. If that's what you were expecting but maybe this right here, you telling me what you did maybe that's you Penance."

"My penance?"

"Yes. It's how you make up for your 'fuck ups'"

"Cas? Did you seriously just use finger quotes in a serious conversation." Dean asks slowly losing the hysteria that had been growing in his voice.

"Yes."

"Dork."

Castiel rolls his eyes, slowly turning more serious. "Now I don't know what you did Dean but I promise you nothing is going to happen to you or Sam no matter what you tell me."

Dean looks at Castiel shock written all over his face. "You sure? Because..."

"No matter what." Castiel says firmly.

Dean nods slowly, "Okay bring out the recorder thingy."

"Thingy? Yes, Dean I'm the dork."

"Shut up." Dean says smiling fondly. His breathing had returned to a normal level. 

"I don't need to record this Dean, clearly you think this is important and I don't think you need the pressure of it being taped as well as having to discuss this with me."

"I don't need to be babied Cas." Dean mutters despite the fact he looks visibly relieved.

"Maybe not but you don't need to be pressured either."

"Fine. Just give me a minute okay?"

Castiel nods again, sitting down on the office chair. Dean takes a shaky breath leaning against the desk before beginning. "Before my Mom died my dad was a good person. I know that doesn't make sense but her death it messed him up you know. I was already outside with Sammy but dad he ran back inside to save her wound up in hospital with smoke initiation and when he got out it was like he had a death wish. Almost as if he couldn't live without her. I think he would have killed himself if he didn't have me and Sam because he knew Mom would kill him for trying anything while we were still around. So I think he just forced himself to fight, maybe that's why he liked the Pits so much you know? It was his way to be sure me and Sam didn't starve or sleep on the streets but he still got a chance to die because deep down I think that's what he really wanted." Dean pause, inhales shakily as he looks at the ground.

Castiel bites his lip, wanting to offer Dean some form of comfort. "Dean- "

Dean shakes his head, "don't Cas I need to get this out so just let me do what I need to do."

"Okay." Castiel mutters, fists clenched. Dean closes his eyes. 

"When he died I was a mess. He used to take me with him sometimes when he knew the fights were going to get bad just in case things got too bad for him to drive home but that weekend I went with Sammy to check out Stanford before he applied. We just got back that night when the cops showed up to tell us he was gone. I blamed myself... I know it wasn't my fault but I couldn't get it out of my head that if I just went with him that night he would have been okay."

Dean pauses again lip wavering. Castiel aches to comfort him seeing this much pain on Dean's usually smirking face is twisting something in Castiels heart and God it almost hurts not being able to reach out and hold him, tell him that everything was okay. But he can't do that because he is a professional dammit. He can't allow himself to get close, especially if Dean had done something he felt so wrongly about. Castiel can't get lost in things like that again.

"I just... I went a little crazy, started drinking all the time you know. I even went to that goddamn bar. There was this Russian guy Azazel he used to fight with my dad every now and then. He hated him I don't know why. It wasn't just some rivalry they really hated each other. I had seen them fight before saw how rough it got and when he came in I tried to walk away, I was halfway down the alley before Azazel cornered me.  He started talking shit about my dad trying to get a rise and when I didn't reply he hit me and I just let him. He had me up against the alley wall and he leaned in real close and said that he was the one that did it. He was the reason my dad was dead. I don't know what happened but I just lost it. Started hitting back and Azazel seemed to love it kept gloating about how he was going to add another Winchester to his belt. I pushed him and he hit his head of the dumpster." Dean takes another shaky breath. "Shit... there was so much blood... I tried to do the right thing called to cops, ambulance hell I even walked into the station without putting up a fight. When they put me in the interrogation room I was willing to go down for whatever they wanted I mean I did that to the guy right. But Azazel's lawyer strolled in."

Despite the fact that all Castiel wants to do in this moment is rewind time or maybe take Dean's hand he pulls out his note pad. Trying to keep his professional composure for whatever Dean had to tell him knowing it is somehow important.

"Her name was Lilith. God Cas she was creepy I don't know what it was about her but she just put me on edge the second she walked in I expected her to read me the riot act try to give me the full 20 years but instead she told me Azazel was in a coma. I nearly cried right then when she said it. I really thought I killed him but if he was still alive then at least I wasn't a complete monster but before I could do anything Lilith offered me a deal."

"You see Alastair liked to bet on his own fights and it turns out he put down a huge amount down on Azazel for the next 4 months, Lilith said I if I took his place for those fights she would drop all charges and for some stupid reason I agreed. I started fighting and not just fighting winning, Alastair would show up sometimes and Jesus Cas the way he looked at me it was like I was this little prized dog. After the four months was up I tried to leave but when I went home that night Alastair was in my apartment."

"He told me that they were taking Azazel of life support and that was on me. Started saying how the guy was like a brother and how would I like it if someone killed my brother and then walked away. He said... he said maybe he should find Sam and repay the favour, said the Devil was a good friend of his and he could make my life a living hell. I freaked out Cas told him I would do whatever he wanted me to do whenever he wanted me to. He made me stay that's why I'm there Cas that's why I'm in the pits."

Castiel scrubs a hand down his jaw, "Jesus Dean." he mutters. 

"I know." Dean says his voice barely a whisper. "I know it's what I deserve Cas but I hate it and if being a snitch puts a stop to this, if it saves Sam. Just let me do it you don't have to protect me. I get it but just let me save Sam."

Castiel turns to Dean shaking his head. "You can't honestly believe that I would just give up on you because of this."

Dean scoffs "Cas I killed a guy!"

"In self-defence Dean." Cas says sincerely. "Azazel hit you first things might have gotten out of hand but he was the one who started it."

"Out of hand! The guys dead Cas."

"You're not the first person to do something like that Dean and as far as I'm concerned everything you've done after has been under threat."

"Fuck Cas, why do you always insist on seeing the good in me." Dean says looking directly into Castiels gaze with so much confusion and awe that Castiel feels his heart snap in two. He begins to wonder when was the last time someone gave Dean comfort without any disapproval. 

Looking down Castiel spares a moment to remember the bunkers wall. "Because I've seen evil. Real honest to God evil and you're about the furthest thing from that."

"I really don't understand you."

"There's nothing to understand, you're not the first person in the world to do questionable things or this room for that matter. Just do me a favour Dean, when this all over promise me that you'll let all off that guilt go."

"Cas- "

Castiel tilts his head, "please Dean."

"Fine.” Dean breathes out, looking at the ceiling.

"Good. Now if you'll excuse me my break ended 20 minutes ago and I have to search the database for some lawyer who is 'creepy'" Castiel says mockingly desperate to relive the hurt on Dean's face because he had been wrong earlier. He couldn't stop himself from losing himself too Dean Winchester and his golden heart.

"Again with those damn finger quotes." Dean replies almost normally.

"At least there amusing, I see you around Dean."

"yeah see you...."

03/09/15 

The next time Cas shows up something changed. Cas seems less formal somehow almost as if hearing Dean's story has made Cas trust him a way he hadn't before. Dean likes the change, likes how Castiel smiles now or how he gives the odd chuckle. When Castiel sits down in what Dean considers their booth for burgers he doesn't talk about the case. Instead Cas tells Dean about himself, claiming that since he knew so much about Dean he could afford Dean the same courtesy. (His words.)

Over the course of his break Dean learns that Cas lost his mother when he was five. He moved around in the system until he was fourteen and wound up in a boys home near Pontiac, Illinois.  There he met Sonny, Gabriel's birth father who had retired from the FBI to raise his son when his wife died. He learned that from the minute they met Cas and Gabriel became thick as thieves bonding over dry sarcasm and a love for mysteries. Cas was never made to leave again. When Gabriel turned 23 he followed in his father's footsteps and joined the bureau and 2 years later Castiel did the same.

Dean's still smiling Cas tells him about Gabriel used to pull pranks and how he would always shoot water guns at Castiel on his birthday despite the fact that he was twenty years old and living in a separate apartment for which Gabriel did not have a key for.

Dean laughing himself stupid at the boy's antics replying with ones of his own about Sam. He was halfway through telling Cas about the time Sam thought he was superman, fell of the roof and had to be driven to the hospital on Deans bike when Castiels phone rings.

"Novak." Castiel say by way of greeting. Dean watched fantasied as Castiel slowly paled.

"Yeah... that's not good.... Okay I'm on my way thanks Charlie."

"What's up?"

"Victor Hendrickson is missing."

"Shit."

10/09/15 

Castiel doesn't visit Dean that week.

14/09/15 

Castiel stops by once to ask if Dean had ever heard of anyone nicknamed the "Stable-boy." When Dean says no Castiel leaves before Dean could even offer him some food.

16/09/15 

Castiel began sleeping in the bunker, just in case someone finds Victor.

18/09/15 

Victor Hendrickson is on the news, apparently they found his body. Castiel doesn't show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm so that was a long one hope you survived it because this is 3hrs of my life.


	9. chapter eight

It was almost a week later when Castiel stumbles into the bar. Dean beams at him when he sits on the barstool. "Heya Cas, Hungry?" Dean asks happily. 

 

Castiel grunts in response, which Dean takes as an agreement he goes into the kitchen. Minutes later Dean shakes Cas's shoulder as he slumps over a coffee that someone (probably Benny) has supplied. "Here you look like you need a pick me up." he mutters avoiding Cas’s eyes. Because yes while he did make the man a burger, instead of waiting for Ash to finish his orders it still means nothing, he's not blushing godammit.

 

For the first time since he entered Cas looks up at Dean and smiles. Dean may melt a little inside. Despite knowing Cas for almost two months now his attraction for the man has not disappeared. If anything with every smirk and story Dean finds himself thinking of the blue eyed man more often than not. Maybe it has to do with the fact that Cas was unattainable buried underneath a barrier of red tape and protocol. Or maybe it was the fact that since Dean had been pulled into this whole C.I thing he stopped having one night stands and instead spent a lot more time with his right hand. 

 

Although if Dean was being honest with himself (Which let's face it was something he didn't do very often.) It probably has to do with the fact Castiel looks at Dean like he could see everything and yet still seems to stick around for more than a work obligation. Whatever it is, it wasn't being helped by the man who is currently making borderline pornagraphic noises around his bacon and beef heart attack. 

 

Dean groans slightly, ignoring the heat rising on his neck deciding to make Cas stop before Dean starts sporting a boner.

 

"You enjoying yourself Cas?" He asks slightly amused at Cas's chilled out expression.

 

Cas gives him a large gummy smile, one that Dean kind of wants to bottle it for the sheer rarity. "These make me very happy Dean." he says eventually. 

 

Dean laughs, slowly taking in Cas’s unusually rumpled appearance. His usually pressed shirt is wrinkled and there are dark bags under his eyes that Dean hadn't noticed before. Oh and his tie was on backwards. How that happened Dean isn't sure but Cas doesn't seem to notice. He just takes another sip of his extremely black coffee ignoring Dean's frown. 

 

"You doing okay man." Dean asks his voice laced with concern.

 

"I'm fine." Cas replies a bit too quickly.

 

Dean rolls his eyes. "Bullshit." he says, pointing at Castiels neck "First of all your tie is backwards, also you ate that thing like you haven't ate all day and let's not forget that's you looking like your three minutes away from sleeping on that floor."

 

Cas blushes slightly under Dean's scrutiny, running a hand over his too long scruff.  "Very perceptive Dean." 

 

Dean smirks, "Yeah well just because you have a badge doesn't mean you're the only one who can read people."

 

Cas laughs softly and without really meaning too Dean smiles. For some reason the world seemed like a better place when Cas laughs. 

Sighing Dean places a hand on Cas’s slumped shoulders "Seriously man when was the last time you had a full night's sleep?"

 

"Monday." Castiel replies flatly and Dean flinches. Vividly remembering that a week ago Victor Hendrickson was found dead with a pair of graffiti wings and a mock halo. Dean had heard about it on the news, and while he hadn't really liked the detective he hadn't wanted this for him either. Apparently his death has weighed heavy on Cas as well because this had been his first visit since then. Dean wonders how hard the poor guy was being worked. 

 

Dean goes to say something when a man down the bar waves. Sighing Dean holds up his hand and walks down the bar. Taking an order from the man with an impatient frown. Remembering his customer service, He smiles sheepishly when he hands over the whisky. Watching Cas remove his backwards tie from the corner of his eye as he counts his change. He looks exhausted.

 

"You know my apartments upstairs if you need to lie down." Dean offers walking back to Cas’s side.

 

Cas rolls his eyes "trying to get me into your bed Winchester." He say a familiar spark of humor in his voice. Blushing slightly Dean shakes his head, Cas can be worse than him when it comes to deflecting questions.

 

"Don't be a dick Cas." Dean mutters genuine concern in his voice, Cas's sighs eyes softening. He grabs Deans hand. "I'm sorry Dean." He says sincerely. "I just can't okay."

 

Dean nods his understanding. Even though he doesn't understand anything about his unusual friend. He opens his mouth too say something when he was rudely interrupted by a female voice.

 

"Afternoon Dean-O." it purrs.

 

Slowly Dean turns away from Cas cursing every God in existence. Standing at the bars ledge Meg Masters smirks at him. Dean knows her from the pits and unlike the usual girls that hang out their Meg has power. Dean had seen enough to know she was involved with more than one fight and he suspects that she's dealing as well.  It didn't surprise him, Meg would be a fantastic sales woman with her dark hair and southern voice. She was the definition of temptation but Dean had learned a long time ago that Meg was like honey whiskey. Sweet until it killed you.

 

"Meg!" He says with mock enthusiasm. "What brings you here, I haven't seen you in months."

 

"I had some issues to deal with, thankfully I think it's all over." She replies side-eyeing Cas. Dean doesn't blame her despite his rumpled appearance Cas was a sight to behold.

 

When he chances a glance at Cas, he can't help but raise an eyebrow. Cas’s body seems to completely relax into an almost normal posture. Losing the stiffness that Dean is used too. That wasn't what was shocking though. It was his smile, an almost flirty smirk pointed in Megs direction.

 

A flick of jealousy flares in Deans veins as Meg returns the smirk catching Cas's eyes. For a second he glowers at her before Cas shoots him a wink. Shaking his head in confusing he turns his attention back to Meg. "Oh really what kind of trouble?" 

 

"Minor rat problem nothing to worry about." She mutters and Dean feels his breath still. She can't be talking about him could she... No she couldn't know... Right?

 

As if sensing his discomfort Cas swoops into the rescue, a flirtatious smile in place. "I didn't mean to interrupt." He says, voice higher than his usual graveled tone. "But I just so happen to be an exterminator, maybe a could help a lovely lady such as yourself."

 

Meg laughs at the poor attempt off flirting clearly seeing Cas as nothing more than a desperate bar fly. "It's okay pretty boy I think I got it covered." She says with a seductive smile.

 

"Oh. Well that's good then." Cas practically stutters. Dean tries to hide his shock, despite knowing Cas for only two months Dean knows he not the nervous type. Clearly Cas is a much better liar than Dean first thought.

 

"I'm Clarence by the way." Cas says offering Meg his hand. She takes it smirk still in place.

 

"Meg."

 

"Well Meg how about you stick around for a while and I could get you a coffee or... Something."

 

Meg laughs politely at Cas's strange behavior. "Maybe next time Clarence." She says before returning her gaze to Dean. "Do me a favor Dean-o hang this up for me, the boxer had pups again and Al is all but ready to sell them."

 

Dean smiles ruefully at the flyer in his hand understanding Megs code. Turning to Cas again she makes her exit hips swaying in a purposeful manner.

 

Dean waits until she leaves before bursting out laughing "Clarence?" 

 

Cas shrugs."it was the first thing that came to mind." 

 

"That was impressive acting there Cas. If I didn't know you, I would just assume you were always a bumbling little exterminator."

 

"Yeah well six months undercover will do that to you." Cas says with a cold laugh. Dean flinches at the hollowness in Cas's voice.

 

"You were undercover? For six months?”   
  


Castiel nods his face falling into a familiar expression that Dean has only seen once before. The night Castiel showed Dean Samandriel’s photo. The undercover agent that made Cas feel so much guilt.

Shit.

 

Without thinking about his actions Dean places a comforting hand on the man's shoulder. For a beautiful minute Castiel seems to sink into the touch before recoiling so fast Dean feels the air move.

 

"What does the flyer say?" Cas asks slipping into his agent persona.

 

Dean sighs knowing he isnt getting any more emotion from the man tonight. "On the outside it's an ad for some boxer dogs but in reality it's code."

 

"Code for what Dean?"

 

"Nothing much the boxer is just a way of saying there's a fight all you have to do is call the number give the code word and your informed on the fight."

 

"Code word?" Cas asks his cold eyes alight with a curiosity.

 

"Yeah it used to be an embarrassing rendition of camptown lady but they changed it a few months back." Dean says with a shrug.

 

"To what?"

 

"Milton." Dean mummbles watching as Cas visibly tenses. "Why is that important?"

 

Cas shakes his head, suddenly very pale."No not at all." 

 

Dean scowls "Cas you're lying again you promised me you wouldn't do that."

 

"Well sometimes it's easier than the truth." Cas says his voice completely dead.

 

Dean moves from behind the bar seeing a haunted look in Cas’s eyes.  Frowning at the sight Dean grabs Cas’s shoulders, watching as he tenses. Without even thinking about it Dean pulls the man into an awkward hug.

 

Cas is stiff beneath his arms but he slowly starts relax into the touch. Pulling back Dean stares into those damned blue eyes and says. "Cas what's Milton?"

 

Cas shakes his head, looking very far away. "Milton is a person. Agent Anna Milton." He pauses before looking into Dean eyes. Dean swallows, never in his life has he seen anyone look as broken as Cas does in that moment. "I think I might have killed her Dean." Cas sigs, hands shaking. 

 

Dean looks down at Cas trying for a comforting smile, immediately Castiel pulls away. Because Dean doesn't look shocked or disgusted instead he just looked supportive. Castiel shakes his head, he can't allow himself to do this again. He can't fuck up another case. He can't-

 

"Cas?" Dean asks stedlily cutting through Castiels train of thought.

 

Castiel feels sick. The exhaustion of the past few days catching up with the emotional moment. For a second he hates himself.  He tried, he really had. But he can't stop himself from caring about Dean Winchester.

 

In an ideal world. It wouldn't matter that Dean was the first person to make Castiel genuinely laugh in over a year. It wouldn't matter that Castiel finds himself in the bar long after his shifts has ended talking to Dean simply because he can. It wouldn't matter that Dean clearly cared for Castiel. It wouldn't matter but deep down Castiel knows that it does. And that's exactly why Dean can never know what he did.

 

Because Castiel has learned a long time ago that those who know either hate him or they get hurt. Somehow Castiel can't decide which one of them would be worse.

 

"Ignore it, Dean." he says, his voice steady and in opposition to the pain that Castiel feels. Because he had to do this, Castiel is determined not to let Dean fall into the trap that was his life. He didn't deserve it. Dean Winchester with his kind green eyes and comforting smile did not deserve the pain that Castiel caused.

 

"Ignore what?" Dean asks, almost angry. It was like he could see it. Could see how hard Castiel was trying to push him away and he doesn't seem happy about it. "Ignore the fact that you think you killed someone. Which you know no judgement,  but seriously that seems important. Or maybe you want me to ignore the fact that you clearly haven't been looking after yourself for days. Maybe I should ignore the fact that your literally two seconds away from having a break down. Yeah sure let me go do that."

 

"Dean-"

 

"No Cas I'm your friend and you clearly need one right now, so how about you sit your cute ass down in that barstool and let's start this chick flick." Dean says with so much determination that Castiel felt it like a punch in the gut. It hurts. It hurts that Dean cares about him this much, it hurts that Castiel feels the same way but he csn't do anything about it. It hurts so much that when Castiel says. "I can't Dean." Hes surprised he doesn't burst into tears.

 

"Cas-" Dean begins but Castiel cuts him off. Taking a deep breath hoe does what he always does. He pushes the emotions away. Hes here for the case nothing more nothing less.

 

"Call about the fight Dean, I'll be back tomorrow for the details." Castiel says shrugging on his coat.

 

"Cas wait-"

 

Castiel ignores him already pushing his way through the lunchtime crowd. Amazed that the world could be like this. How people could sit in a bar laughing and eating enjoying the last of the September sunlight. Meanwhile Castiel feels like he's being ripped apart.

 

For a second he's tempted. He knows what he wants but he can't give into that. He can't allow himself to fall down that path again. He had promised Rachel the night she died, he promised Gabe the day they found Samandriel by the docks and Castiel was shaking from more than just the cold. Hell he had promised himself. Somehow thinking like this helps top clear his head long enough to drive his second best solution.

 

Turners gun range glows in the distance a place of joy for red necks and adrenaline junkies alike. Castiel had found the place by mistake but he has started to love it. The constant noise of bullets shooting from the guns. The repetitive action of dismantling his weapon and putting back together. The smell of gun powder in the air. It soothed him. Made him feel in control of the madness in his head at least for a little while.

 

In a strange way it reminds him off his childhood. Of the hot summer day when he and Gabriel played with water guns on the Illinois soil. It reminds him of his training days,  where Castiel had stood with a new gun in his hand and a dream that he could save the world.

 

Oddly enough with a gun in his hand Castiel feels less like a killer than when he stood not 3ft away from Dean. Castiel walks into the range nodding to Rufus the manger and moves to a stand. Pulling out his gun. He takes aim and without any hesitation he fires.

 

 

 


	10. chapter nine

"Cas?" A voice says pulling Castiel out of his trance. He isn't sure how long he's been in here. Shooting, reloading, repeating. Getting lost in the repetitive movements.

 

Blinking Castiel looks down where he greeted to the sight of one very pissed Charlie Bradbury. "Hey Red, what are you doing here?" Castiel asks confusion clear in his voice.

 

"You're late for work Cas? Do you know how often that happens, do you know how worried I've been?" Charlie growls in her mother tone.

 

Castiel rolls his eyes, "Charlie? I'm fine see." He holds out his hands, considers turning on the spot but stops when he sees Charlies glare.

 

Charlie scoffs."Viktor wasn't."  

 

"Oh Charles." He mutters pulling the girl into a hug. Comforting his friend before he realizes something, "Ah, Charlie how did you find me?"

 

Charlie smiles sheepishly "I may have tracked your phone."

 

"You what?"

 

"Aw don't be mad Cas please I was worried about you, can we just go please because the red necks are looking at your work over there with a serious boner."

 

Castiel laughs at her before looking around. She was right off course people were staring. Castiel looks to the poor demolished target. After years of practice Castiel has to admit his aim was pretty impressive.

 

Charlie smirks "Nice dick shot by the way."

 

"I was running out of room." Castiel shrugs, feeling better in Charlie's presence. Charlie was the one person besides Gabe that Castiel allowed to get close. Simply down to the red heads sheer stubbornness. No matter how hard he tried Charlie stayed close and Castiel loves her for it. After paying for his round he follows Charlie to his car, Charlie ducks inside. 

 

“Wheres your car?” He asks, as charlie does up her seatbelt.

 

“It's still at the station, I got a ride out here from one of the officers doing the day shift.” 

 

Castiel raises his eyebrows, slightly impressed. “Charlie I love you, but you are scarily efficient.” 

 

She smiles before hitting his shoulder, "So where have you been anyway Cas? I feel like we haven't spoken outside of the bunker in weeks I need my wingman back." She r.

 

Castiel blushes faintly ducking his head. "Umm... With Dean."

 

Charlie raises her eyebrow "Dean? The new CI, weren't you with him last week?"

 

Castiel coughs, "Umm yes."

 

"Umm. Since when do you say umm. And since when do you hang out with CI more than me huh? Unless..." Charlie says trailing off before giving Cas an evil smile. "Unless you like him."

Castiel turns to her wide eyed."Oh my god you do! Cas this is... I mean Naomi might kill you but-"

 

"Charlie calm down, don't go into fangirl mode for a second. Nothing is happening between me and Dean."

 

"Yeah but you want something too."

 

Castiel feels a blush coat his face, genuinely considering throwing his friend out of the car. "It's not like that Charlie. It's complicated."

 

"Why cause he's your CI please Cas look at this case, that's complicated. This is well this is your chance Cas."

 

Castiel scoffs. "My chance, my chance at what happiness you need to stop reading fanfiction Charles."

 

Charlie rolls her eyes. "Your chance to get over last year Cas. You can't blame yourself-"

 

"Yes I can." 

 

"You shouldn't have too. before Viktor you were smiling, for like the first time in months I've seen you happy. Whatever Deans doing to you you're not as heartbroken."

 

"Deans doing nothing to me."

 

"Yes he is." Charlie says clearly shipping this. If it had been anyone else Castiel would have laughed at her determination. But instead he just looked at her sadly.

 

"Charlie you know I can't do anything about it. Not after what I did."

 

"What Cas, you did your job."

 

Castiel stops knowing there was no point in arguing. He has to tell her why he couldn't let Dean in. "They have a code word."

 

"What are you doing, are you trying to change the subject right now?"

 

"For the pits Charlie they have a code word."

 

"Alright I'll bite, what's this mysterious code word."

 

"Milton."

 

"Oh." Charlie says with sad eyes. "Oh Cas is that why you're out here because I know you, you don't just shot things for the hell of it."

 

"Maybe." Castiel mutters longing to be back in the range. Ignoring his feelings for Anna, for his mistakes and for a certain green eyed fighter that was slowly seeping his way into Castiels heart."I can't do anything with Dean because they still have her Charles I can't let anything stop me from finding her."

 

"Okay." She says understanding filling her voice. "But if you weren't worried about a distraction you'd totally bang him right?"

 

Castiel shakes his, biting his lips so he doesn't smile. "I'm not answering that."

 

"So that's a yes then good to know." Castiel rolls his eyes.

\----

The coffee burns as Castiel slugs back his sixth? Seventh? cup of the night. Well technically it was morning now. After Charlie had pulled Cas from the range they arrived late for their 8pm shift and promptly distracted Naomi with the new information about the Pits. Hours were spent researching posters like the one Dean had received, scanning through Jane Does and arrest records looking for anyone who matched Anna's description. Looking for a reason as to why her name was key. After 12 hours had both Charlie and Cas left the bunker exhausted and no closer than they were the night before.

 

"How many cups of coffee can I have until it's life threatening?" Castiel asks from the passenger's seat of Charlie's Bug, too tired to drive his own car home.

 

"Ten inches." The redhead says a smirk on her face. Cas smiles sleepily just as Charlie's phone buzzed.

 

"Can you get that it could be the she-demon asking about something"

 

Castiel chuckles grabbing the phone. "Naomi's shift ended too Charles. Jodi's taking over until then.".Chief Jodi Mills was a stubborn motherly woman that had been in charge of the 75th for as long as Cas had been in the city. Usually she didn't spend a lot of time in the bunker but after Hendrickson she insisted the task force used all of 75th resources to find the "murdering bastards" so she could kill them herself. In all honesty Castiel admired the woman.

 

"Yeah but Cas have you ever seen Naomi sleep because I haven't the woman's a vampire I swear."

 

Castiel hums his half hearted agreement typing in Charlie's password and going to the texts. His eyes lit up when he saw the name."Tessa?" He asks sheepishly. "As in the M.E?"

 

Charlie blushes to the point she resembled her hair but there was a coy smile on her face. "Yeah as in the M.E."

 

Castiel arches his eyebrow. "Should I be reading this?" He asks gesturing to the phone.

 

Charlie smirks "Probably not what'd she say?"

 

Cas rolls his eyes before reading out the text. "Sorry Charles going to have to skip that coffee. John Doe just rolled in and I'm waiting on the tox-screen."

 

Charlie frowns slightly, she had been looking forward to the date. However, if there was one person who knew that work could ruin your social life it was Charlie Bradbury. "Tell her I said it's cool and ask does she want to reschedule."

 

Cas smiles knowingly at his friend typing the text quickly before turning to the her. "So how the fuck do you know Tessa?" He asks an evil smile in place.

 

"There's politer ways to ask that question, Castiel."

 

"Not when you're running on twos hours sleep, so where did you meet her?"

 

Charlie laughs before continuing. "In purgatory."

 

"The bar?"

 

"No. The place between heaven and hell. Yes, the bar douchebag."

 

"Well somebody's cranky in the morning." Castiel says laughing at her response.

 

"Pot. Kettle. Black." She mutters through gritted teeth.

 

The phone buzzes again, Castiel glances at the screen.

 

**Tessa: do you know where Cas is? I can't reach him.**

 

Castiel frowns at the text but he read it out to Charlie. "It's probably a case thing call her on my cell, yours is probably dead from all the tracking."

 

"Well who's fault is that?" Castiel mutters. 

 

Charlie glares at him "Yours you disappearing bastard."

 

Castiel flips her off just as Tessas voice filled the line."Charlie?" The ME questions.

 

"Sorry Tes, it's Castiel, Charlie's driving."

 

"Oh, your phone's dead."

 

"I know blame the ginger." He says receiving a sharp jab in retaliation. "Geez Charlie you always this violent in the morning."

 

Tessa laughs at the exchange before her voice takes on a serious tone. "Cas the tox screens just back. It was rat poison."

 

"Fuck." Castiel says abruptly a million scenarios running through his head. Thinking about Max, Dean and Zeke, Castiel hasm't had direct contact with the other CIs under their care but he still felt responsibility for the death. He scratches his jaw "Where'd they find him?"

 

"Orchard road, he was just left on a bench for all eyes to see." She mutters angrily clearly thinking about her brother.

 

Castiel feels a new wave of panic rise in his chest. Orchid street wasn't far from Deans apartment, two blocks away to be precise. He tries to ignore what that meant. Telling himself that Dean's gonna be fine.

 

"What does he look like?" He asks his voice only slightly giving him away. Charlie notices but doesn't say anything.

 

" 6ft, late twenties, blonde with green eyes-" Tessa lists before Castiel hangs up the phone.

 

"Take a left up here Charles." He says somewhat frantically. 

 

"Why? What's going on?" She asks making the turn.

 

"I need to see if Dean's okay"

 

"Dean? I'm sure he's-" Charlie looks confused but seeing the worried look in her friend's eyes she cut herself off. By the time they reach the bar Castiel is shaking. His body a bundle of nerves and too much coffee, he throws open the car door before Charlie fully stops the car,  running out despite her confused cries.

 

Flinging open the bar doors he reaches the counter in record time eyes scanning for Dean. "You a 'right there?" The bartender asks. Benny was his name as far Castiel could remember. Cas remembers Dean talking about him, how Benny had offered Dean the job when funds got tight. Dean admires him and if anyone knew Dean's whereabouts it was probably this man.

 

"Where's Dean?" Castiel questions his voice surprisingly steady despite the adrenaline pumping in his veins.

 

"Upstairs I think. I haven't seen him since yesterday." Benny mutters his voice slow and calming as if he sensed Castiels distress. "You can go up if you want doors that way." 

 

Castiel nods turning in the direction that Benny suggested. Pulling the stockroom door open he moves quickly to a second door that read private. He cant help but wonder what Dean has told Benny about him. Hoping that Benny knows that he was Dean's friend. Hoping that the man wasn't stupid enough to let just anyone into the apartments above because if he did there was a very good chance Dean was in a morgue somewhere. Castiel shivers at the thought taking the stairs two at a time and slamming his hand at the first door he could see.

 

For an agonizing moment the hall is quiet only filled with the muffled sounds of the downstairs bar and Castiels frantic heartbeat. 

 

The door opens. "Cas?" Dean asks his voice heavy and thick with sleep.

 

Castiel can hear his heartbeat soar as an overwhelming wash of relief and nausea runs through him. Still shaking he pulls Dean into a tight hug slotting his head under Dean's chin. Finding comfort in his heartbeat by pressing his ear against Dean's chest.

 

Dean chuckles a low and deep sound before looking down at Castiel. Castiel looks back and was once again lost in the intensity that was Dean's eyes. The constant green, warm and comforting only added to by the flecks of gold that he could see from this angle. He was so beautiful.

 

Castiel ignore the way he tilts his head to get closer to Dean. To focused on the hungry, look that Dean gives him, looking at Castiel's lips before glancing back to his eyes. Slowly he leans in feeling Dean's breath against his lips.

"Cas!" Charlie exclaims from the staircase. Castiel jumps back from Dean putting as much distance between them as possible just as the Charlie climbs to the top off the stairs.

 

"What the fuck is going on?" Dean asks,drowsy eyes locking onto Castiel.

 

Castiel can't respond his brain swirling with adrenaline and other endorphins. He aware of  a faint buzzing sound as the shaking in his limbs that suddenly feels incredibly intense. "you're not dead?" He murmurs before the world goes black.

~~~~~

 

 


	11. chapter ten

Dean catches Cas just before he falls to the floor. Briefly wondering if he's still asleep before the girl mutters "Shit." She pries Cas from Dean's arms laying him down on the floor, positioning him so that his right knee is bent over his left leg turning him onto the side.

 

"I-Is he a-alright?" Dean asks hesitantly trying to ignore the fear clawing at his chest. The girl doesn't answer. Too busy fussing over Cas and muttering curses under her breath.

 

A few minutes pass in silence as the they wait for their friend to wake up. Eventually the girl who appears to briefly vibrate with anger moves to Cas's face and smacking it. Dean flinches at the noise but feels his heart swell as Cas starts too comes too.

 

"Charlie?" He asks in a weak voice rubbing his cheek. Dean shivers Cas doesn't look happy, in fact he looks like he was about to rain down every form of holy fire on the girl.

 

"Don't look at me like that you obsessive workaholic bastard, you scared me." She says with a sob and Cas moves slowly to sit near the her. Dean says nothing staring worriedly at his friend. Trying to calm his raging heart. The last time he was this nervous the cops were standing outside his motel room, telling him his father had been murdered. 

 

Biting his thumbnail Dean shakes of the bad memory and sits down by Castiels side. Cas turns his head, looking perplexed, "Dean?" he mutters, with a pout, as if asking for sympathy. 

 

Dean shakes his head. "Oh no I'm not talking your side here the girls right Cas, you need to sleep."

 

"The girl has a name." She says with a smug smile. "I'm Charlie the only person in the world the dickhead needs to fear at this point in time."

 

Dean laughs at Cas's half afraid, half exhausted expression before helping him stand up. "Come on buddy you're going to sleep on my couch."

 

"Dean 'm fine." Cas mumbles his head lolling into Dean's shoulders.

 

Dean rolls his eyes, "Sure you are." hes says dragging Cas into the apartment softly lowering him onto the ugly green couch. Cas's expression softens as his head hits the flannel throw pillows. (Sammy's idea.) Dean smiles softly watching as Cas curls his legs up becoming a small ball of contentment. "'M’glad you're okay." he says eyes half closed.

 

Dean places his hand on Cas's head slowly running his fingers through his dark locks, frowning slightly, despite Cas’s blissed out expression. "Why wouldn't I be okay?" he asks softly not wanting to ruin the moment. Seeing him like this, curled up on Dean's couch leaning into Dean's hands is something Dean has only dreamed about doing. He isn't sure why, but he thinks it because he wants to look after Cas the same way Cas is constantly looking out for him.

 

"Rat poison... I'm glad." Cas hums softly breaking for a yawn. "'M glad it wasn't you."

And just like that Castiel falls asleep. Dean looks down at him more confused than ever.

 

"So that's why." Charlie says her perky voice cutting through the lulled silence.

 

Dean raises an eyebrow, hands still running through Cas’s hair "What's why?" he asks.

 

Charlie rolls her eyes "Why he practically bolted to get here exhausting whatever energy he had left."

 

Dean stares at her in confusion before he remembers Meg's words.  _ Minor rat problem nothing to worry about.  _ Dean isn't stupid. He understood that her words had far more meaning than he presumed, but he had hoped that she meant Hendrickson. He was the one who busted into the pits on the first place.

 

Gulping, Dean asks "Their killing CIs aren't they?" his voice surprisingly steady.

 

Charlie glances at him with wide eyes and Dean knows he's right with his assumption.

 

"They killed one a few months back using rat poison, he was the one who mentioned where the next fight would be. So to protect him Hendrickson passed it off as a tip job. Little good that did, the kid he was dead that night and Hendrickson was put under protective custody. We thought he was in the clear until he disappeared and then today a John Doe gets brought in and Cas just kind of snaps. I guess he thought it was you I mean he cares about you a lot-." Charlie stops herself blushing, her eyes were almost as sad as Cas's could be. She looks like she hasn't slept in a while, despite her cheery disposition. 

 

Dean frowns, slowly feeling pieces' slot into place at her words. Why Cas comes by as often as he does. Why some days he was sure Cas never approached him but Dean could feel his gaze. Why he had hugged Dean the minute he realized he was alive. Cas cares about him.

 

Dean blinks a part of him wanting to run away from all of this, join Sammy in Stanford and live of a forged ID. Hiding from the wayward Agent for the rest of his life. But another part of him wants to jump up in the air and scream to the world that Castiel Novak fucking cared about him. Not that either of those parts mattered, because Cas could never allow himself to care about Dean the way he wanted. And that well, that really, really sucks. Charlie looks at him with a cold assessing gaze waiting for Dean's reaction.

 

The thing is Dean doesn't really have one. Mostly he's just confused. "Why?" he asks because to him this doesn't make sense. He can't understand how Cas the FBI agent from nowhere Illinois came to care about his lousy life.

 

Charlie smiles. "Because he relates to you." 

 

Dean scoffs "Why I'm basically a criminal? I beat people up for a living how can he relate to that?" he looks down sadly at the Cas’s sleeping form. Fully aware of the differences between them.

 

Charlie sighs, leaning against the counter "Cas has made mistakes. Big ones. Ones that have broken him down into the man that he is now, I'm not going to tell you what they were Dean because it's not my place but trust me when I say Cas knows how it feels to want to do better."

 

Dean swallows staring at the girl with a new form of respect. She obviously cared about Cas and she knew him well enough to be clued into things that Dean would probably never understand. Cas deserved someone like her in his life and Dean was suddenly swept up with a need to hug her. Instead he nods to the coffee pot. "Want some?"

 

Charlies smile is beautiful "Gladly."

\----

 

Six hours pass before Dean hears Cas stir. Charlie had left hours ago to bring back Cas's car and to go home to catch up on some sleep herself. Leaving Dean alone with his thoughts and the sleeping embodiment of all of them. Honestly Dean felt himself starting to go a little crazy. He had been pacing around his bedroom trying to get some distance when he heard Cas croak out his name.

 

Within seconds Dean finds himself kneeling in front of Cas staring into his droopy blue eyes.

"How you feeling there Mr. comatose." Dean asks with giddy smile. Suddenly ridiculously happy that Cas was awake. Cas gives him a bitch face that could rival Sam's making Dean laugh. "What's wrong Cas not a morning person?"

 

Cas groans burying his head into the pillow "It's 2pm Dean." he mutters. 

 

Dean laughs "So that's like my average Sunday wake up time. You threw of my schedule with your surprise fainting spell."

 

Cas lifts his head, looking sheepish. "I guess I should explain that. Huh?" he asks his head tilting to one side. It would have been a lie if Dean said it wasn't the cutest thing he had ever seen in his life. Shaking his head, Dean tries to stop stupidity falling for someone who might be his best friend. Instead he tries to be a comfort to Cas like he had been for Dean many times before.

 

"You don't have to tell me anything Cas, you've got your reasons and I respect that. But I'm not going to lie I am worried about you what with running off yesterday and then fainting here today I mean I'm sure you have your reasons but at least promise me you'll take better care of yourself man."

 

"My job is my reason. As your handler I'm not supposed to tell you well anything." Cas bites his lip looking torn. "But as your friend I need to tell you what I did Dean. I need to tell you because if I don't it could kill you."

 

 

 


	12. chapter eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of past drug abuse in this chapter.

Dean frowns slightly, but then he nods. "Okay." he says, big green eyes gazing at Castiel in a way that made his breath hitch in his throat.

 

Castiel sits up, trying to appear professional and calm his nerves. He shouldn't be like this; he has told this story before. Hell he had lived it but telling yourself and some random federally approved therapist was one thing. Dean Winchester is a completely different story. Trying to keep his mind blank like he had done in the past. Castiel takes a deep breath, forcing himself to keep his emotions bottled up, to not be afraid. The thing is, Dean makes Castiel want to tell him everything. It wasn't like Dean was prying or demanding the information, he even told Castiel that it was okay to keep it to himself and that was the problem. Dean trusted him and deep down Castiel knew that he wouldn't hate him for his mistakes like so many others did. It was enough to give him hope again. Hope that someday Castiel could forgive himself. Sighing softly Castiel begins to speak.

 

"Three years ago Samandriel joined the bureau. He was there a year before they decided he was fit to be a part of our task force. I had only been with the bureau for a few years but I had just finished a case involving a hostage situation and had somehow gotten everyone out intact. They decided that my recent success made me worthy enough to be the kids mentor."

 

Castiel can feel a smile on his face, stupid and nostalgic. "You should have seen him Dean. Bouncing around as we made our way into integrations or crime scenes. Asking me all these questions. I mean he was only two years younger than me but he seemed to think that I knew everything. I didn't hate it though, Dre was probably one of the smartest rookies I had ever seen and giving the chance I knew he could have been great. So when they asked for volunteers for the undercover mission I pushed for both off us to get on the team." Cas stops himself, head hanging in shame. "Biggest mistake of my life."

 

"It was a small group. Me, Dre, Anna and Rachel. We were all giving a new home, a new background. Spent weeks prepping to get into our rolls. We worked out early on that some of the students at CBD we're dealing Croatan and Rachel and Dre were sent there. I was sent to a gas station two blocks out that was supplying the dealers and Anna was sent to a bar doing the same thing. At first not much happened, we just slowly worked our way into the ranks, becoming friends with the right people. After a month both Rachel and Dre were dealing and I was politely supplying them from a Gas and Sip’s stock room."

 

"Wait" Dean interrupts eyebrows arched. "Let me get this straight the FBI just lets it agents become drug dealers. You actually sold this shit."

 

Castiel nods solemnly. "You have to understand Dean being undercover isn't like being a CI. You have to make yourself the best you can be. Get as high up the food chain as you can, doing whatever it takes to work the case out." Castiel roughly scratches his jaw, trying to get rid of the agitation building under his skin. "At least that's what I used to believe."

 

H"I was determined to get as high up the supply chain as possible, my ego had clearly inflated from my last case and I thought I was ready for anything. Could handle anything. Naturally that's when Balthazar came along." Dean looks at Castiel curiously as if trying to understand the significance of the man's name. Castiel just rolls his eyes, hating his past self. "He was a dealer. But not some random College kid. He was high up and he walked into the station one day and he came onto me. And like the idiot I was I flirted back, not because I was interested or lonely but I stupidly thought I could manipulate him. Get him to take me further into the fold. Clearly I underestimated Baz's manipulation skills. He took me to a club and we both attempted to play each other the entire night. Somehow I found myself surrounded by other dealers all talking and laughing and knew I had a way in, all I needed to do was impress these guys. So I did something stupid.”

 

Castiel cracks his knuckles, Dean just looks confused. "What did you do?" he asks, voice free of any judgment. Castiel prays it will stay that way. He laughs softly, more of an embarrassed sigh "I got high for the first time."

 

Dean looks surprised, Castiel can't really blame him. "I'm not going to try to defend myself. I don't need to, what I did was wrong but I thought I could handle it. I didn't expect it to feel so good. I didn't expect to enjoy the sensation of losing myself but I did and I hate myself for that.

That night was the first time I slept with Baz. It wasn't the last and it certainly wasn't the last time I got high, but for a while my plan was working. I was getting higher up the chain giving Anna so much information at our meetings she began to tape them just to be sure she got everything. I didn't think what I was doing was wrong and I didn't believe I had a problem I just thought I was doing the right thing you know?" Castiel shakes his head. Embarrassed at being such a naive bastard.

 

"About four months in Dre or 'Alfie' as he was now renamed was at the same club. He saw what I was doing and he freaked out threatened to tell Naomi and damn I should have let him. But instead I convinced him that what I was doing was right I used all off his respect and admiration for me against him and I twisted him to see past the mess that I was making.” Castiel scoffs. “He believed me of course. Because the kid was too damn trusting for his own good and he let it slide. I just kept doing what I was doing working at the Gas n Sip by day, getting high with Baz by night and somehow convincing myself that it was the right thing to do. On May the 3rd, five and a half months into the mission Dre calls me. He was a mess claiming that he hadn't seen Rachel in days and the last place he saw her it was with some shifty guy called Brady. He asked me to meet him at our meeting spot a random park on 5th, if I had of went maybe none off this would have happened. But like a fucking idiot I was too high to pay attention only to arrive at the bench two hours late only to find it empty… At first I thought everything was fine that nothing had happened I was too preoccupied, already itching for my next fix when I found Anna's phone. We all kept these burners and I thought she just had dropped it at the park. There was a text from Dre saying that he had changed the meet up point. So reluctantly I found myself in some old fishing shed down by the docks expecting to find Dre alive, panicked maybe but alive. But when I got there..." Castiel breaks off with a sob suddenly crying for a kid he hadn't mourned in a long time. Dean stares for a second before he wraps his arms  around Castiels shoulders pulling him into a comforting hug. Castiel loses it, to exhausted from holding back so long. His body convulses as he sobs broken tears on too Dean's chest. "I... I ... I should've saved him... He... h-e was my responsibility and I let him fucking die." Castiel cries as Dean runs his hand up and down Castiels back soothingly mumbling words of comfort into his hair.

 

"It wasn't your fault Cas." Dean says voice filled with conviction.

"It's not my fault!" Castiel snarls, voice shaking with anger as he pulls out of Dean's grip. "It's not my fault that I was too high to notice my friend was in danger. It's not my fault that I ignored him when he said Rachel was missing or when they all disappeared." He stands up, pacing and moves his hands in all directions as he practically vibrates with self-loathing. "When the task force got there Gabe took one look at me and he knew what I did. He threw me into his apartment locking me in the bathroom till I rode this thing out. Cold turkey. I missed his fucking funeral Dean! I missed it because I was too busy hallucinating in my brother's bathtub. You have no right to tell me that's not my responsibility!" he roars, face burning.

 

Dean looks shocked at the outburst but suddenly he is standing too. "Yeah your right, you fucked up Cas!" Dean shouts back matching Castiel’s rage. "But if you think Azazel's death isn't on me then that kid's death sure as shit isn't on you. Say you did show up they probably would have got you too Cas. You would probably be dead right now but you're not. Your here and you're. Fucking fighting it Cas. You're standing there stone cold sober and are trying to find the real person to blame for this mess! You're not the guilty one here Cas!"

 

"Dean-"

 

"No Cas you're going shut up and listen to me for one Goddamn minute. Since I've met you do you have any idea how much you've helped me. You woke me up Cas! I was in some sort of delusion believing that what I did was justified because Sammy needed it. I hurt people Cas! I've broken people ribs, wrists hell I even gave a guy brain damage I hit him that hard! But I justified it because I wasn't the worthy one Sam was and my dad expected me to do this. To be this and then you come along and you blow that away. You're the first person Cas. The first person that has ever been honest with me pointing out what I was doing was wrong but still understanding it. You did that Cas I've cleaned up my act because of you! Because you are such a good person and you make me want to be one too. So don't you dare think you're a horrible person Cas because you're the best person I've ever met!"

 

Castiel stares at him wide eyed at the outburst. They were so close chests practically slammed together. Castiel wasn't sure who made the first move.

 

He just knows that Dean's lips were on his and without any hesitation Castiel began to kissing him back. It wasn't a gentle kiss, they seemed to be pouring all of their rage and affection into each other. Nipping at each other's lips and then soothing it with their tongues. Dean pulls at Castiel's hair and he moans softly into Dean's mouth, allowing his tongue to scrape over Dean's teeth. It's hot and heated, more a battle for dominance than anything Castiel wished for, but it's real and it's good, and more importantly it's _Dean_. He pulls back panting and glassy eyed just to look at him.

 

Dean’s face is flushed slightly, freckles prominent as he looks at Castiel with hooded eyes and swollen lips. He looks wrecked, and so damn beautiful that Castiel has to step back, before he loses himself again. Dean blinks when Castiel removes his hand from Dean's jaw. "Cas-"

 

Castiel shakes his head, "I'm sorry Dean." He mumbles hands shaking. "I shouldn't have… I should... I should go" he turns rushing for the door.

 

"Cas wait!" Dean begs grabbing his wrist. Castiel keeps shaking his head, brain spinning around the fact that he had fucked up. He wants this with Dean wants it so bad it hurts, but he can't have it because he’s to destructive, to broken and weak. He lost any right to be happy when he let his best friend die. That's a fact and it doesn't matter that Dean's smiling right now, and really why is he smiling right now?

 

"You kissed me back" Dean says sounding slightly awestruck and answering Castiels question.

 

Castiel blinks, wondering what the hell Dean's talking about.  "What?"

 

Dean's smile widens "You kissed me back I've been going crazy for months thinking that you would never want a piece of jailbait like me and then you go and kiss me back."

 

Castiel sighs, Dean sounds so hopeful and it's just making everything worse. "It doesn't matter Dean."

 

Dean laughs hysterically "It does to me Cas."

 

Castiel bits his lip "It can't."

 

Dean blink, smile fading as he catches up with the situation." Why the hell not!"

 

"Because I don't want you to get hurt!"

 

"Shouldn't I decide that!"

 

Castiels hands shakes when he pulls it from Dean's grip. "No you stubborn bastard because I'm cursed Dean anyone I get close to ends up messed up with this shit! You're too far in already Dean and I can't fucking lose you. I can't."

 

Dean’s eyes soften and before Cas can process what's happening Dean has pulled him into a hug lips pressed against his forehead in a comforting kiss. "Cas." Dean breathes out his voice warm and forgiven. "I don't care about your past. I'd be a hypocrite if I did. I just want to try to work whatever this is out. Please let me try because honestly Cas I'd rather have you cursed or not."

 

Castiel feels tears running down his face and slowly he presses his lips against Deans. Softer and chaste this time, like he's always wanted to. he's trying to justify everything he can't say with words. Running a finger Dean cheeks he feels Dean respond, just as softly hands wrapping his arms tighter around Castiels waist. For one beautiful moment Cas let himself go. Lets himself, float before logic win out. He pushes Dean off him, racing towards the door. He stopped at the handle, turning to meet Dean's broken expression. "I wish I could risk it Dean but you're too important to die on me."

 

Dean's eyes gloss over and with every ounce of strength Castiel swings the door open walking away to the sound of his breaking heart.

 

 

 

 


	13. chapter twelve

As Cas walks out the door Dean turns and runs his fist through the drywall. It cracks under the force and the jolt of pain pulls Dean into reality again.

 

"Fuck." He mutters because there are no other words to describe the last ten minutes of his life. He had been yelling for Christs sake and Cas had been crying and yelling and baring his soul on a silver platter and like a an idiot Dean decided to kiss him. Which was stupid, and wrong, and horrible until Cas kissed him back.

 

With one change of pressure and a simple flick of tongue Cas had taking every assumption Dean had about himself and turned it on its head. Dean always had shitty impulses. Its part of the reason he's in the Pits. He's always been the fuck up and for the most part he had accepted that. He knows that's what he is. Cas though is a good guy, he may have done bad things but as far as Deans concerned so has everyone. And he knows that Cas didn't deserve that level of hatred, even if it was solely coming from himself.

 

Dean has seen killers. He sees them every time he steps into the ring, every time he stares at his father's photos hell every time he looks in a mirror. He knows the scars murder leaves, the mess it causes. Only those hardened to the task can kill someone and not feel anything about it. John dealt with his sins by drowning himself in liquor and Dean deals with his by getting regularly hit every other week. So to say Dean understood the guilt on Cas's face would be understatement, because he doesn't just get it, he felt it to. He knows the self hate murder leaves behind, knows the pain and the guilt and the fear of discovering what your capable off. He knows how it can break someone one way or another. Dean knows how broken he is. Has known since he was 22 years old. Cas though he never seemed broken. Fractured maybe but never broken.

 

At least until he told Dean his story. As if Dean's view on the situation was enough to destroy him. In that moment Dean realized that all those sleepiness nights, the exhaustion Cas wore like a second skin wasn't stress, it was punishment. Cas's very own Penance. Because Cas honestly believes he deserves to be punished. Dean can't blame the guy, a few months ago Dean thought he deserved that too. At least until Cas blew into his life and showed him another option. Redemption. One simple word but to Dean it means everything.

 

This thing with the FBI started as another attempt to protect Sam but it quickly became a cause for him. A way for Dean to find justice for the guys that made him an orphan and guardian to a 18-year-old kid already trying to fix his life. Sometimes Dean wishes he had half of Sam's courage maybe then he would have been able to let his father go and leave the Pits behind.

 

He didn't have that kind of strength 4 years ago but he was starting to gain it and it was all because Cas's influence. Because Cas wasn't just another cop trying to manipulate Dean's life, he wasn't some dick who thought because he had a badge he could do no wrong. He had done bad things, Dean learnt that about him the night they met, when maybe then the only thing between them was a mixture mutual attraction and mutual heartbreak. But somewhere along the line that changed. Maybe it was when Cas first came in a 3am and laughed at him. Maybe it was the day Dean told him the truth about Azazel and Cas had stayed with him, talking him down from what was heading towards an inevitable breakdown. Or maybe it had been that way all along.

 

If Dean knew when it happened, he probably wouldn't be where he is now pacing his apartment like some crazed lunatic because he kissed Cas. He probably wouldn't be shaking because he would have known what he was actually feeling for the guy. When Dean kissed him it wasn't because Cas looked hot angry or because Dean had checked the guy out more than once. It wasn't because of lust something that usually pushes Dean into similar situations. The kiss wasn't about how good it would make Dean feel and everything to do with how it would make Cas feel. How it would shock the rage from his system and maybe make him feel better even for a brief second.

 

And dammit it did feel good, it defied everything he expected to happen. He expected Cas to hit him, push him aside focus on something else besides his loathing for one second. He didn't expect Cas to kiss him back hot and furious as if this was a better use for his rage. And hell maybe Dean could have handled that, people do stupid thing when their mad. He just didn't expect Cas to kiss him again, slow and meaningful as if Dean was the important one. Like Dean should be worshiped by the curve of Cas's lip because he was worth protecting from whatever "curse" Cas seems to believe in.

 

It mystifies him because Dean isn't that sort of guy. Rage, lust, violence. That's what Dean deserves he doesn't deserve Cas because Cas deserves better than him. Because Dean doesn't do comforting and tender and loving. He's not worthy of that and yeah maybe he feels something for Cas but Cas doesn't need to know that. He doesn't need any more of Dean's baggage. So yeah Deans afraid right now, because he's an emotionally constipated asshole and doesn't deserve the kind of kindness Cas is showing him right now. Deans the fuck up fighter and Cas is the disgraced hero and maybe they're both messed up, but Cas can be fixed. Deans passed the point of saving he knows that but he knows Cas can be saved.

 

Cas can solve this case, he can move on and save dozens more people and live an apple pie life. Dean just has to let him go, push aside his own feelings and stop caring about a clearly messed up hero. Cas shouldn't care about Dean. But he does, Charlie told Dean as much this morning and while Dean would love to marvel in the idea he can't. He's not a good guy and nobody besides his family can be brought into his life because they were there to begin with. He has to tell Cas it was a mistake, force him to get transferred for a different CI or else Dean's going to drag him down. He knows that what he has to do. He just really, doesn't want too because it’s going to hurt. Because whether he admits it or not Deans really starting to care for the agent in trench coat and his stupid sad eyes.

 

As if sensing some distressed brother signal while Dean's pacing a hole in his apartment Sam decides now is the perfect time to call his big brother. For a while Dean considers ignoring it, because Sam doesn't know how messed up Dean is. But Deans hurting and Sam's always been good at putting his pain into perspective and right now Dean could use that

.

“Hiya Sammy." He answers trying to sound more stable than he really is. Clearly he's not fooling anyone.

 

"Dean?" Sam responds already sounding comforting showing that's Dean's distress is noticeable. "How's things?" he asks because he knows Dean and he won't talk about his feelings unless you trick him into it. Sams too smart for his own good.

 

Rubbing his temples Dean mutters a "Peachy.” before changing the subject “How's Stanford?"

 

Sam sighs, "Great. Break's starting in a couple of days and I was thinking I could come down there for a couple of days."

 

Dean tries to hide the flinch. Sam hasn't been around since things got federal and back then Dean was already hiding the fighting but now he has to worry about hiding the FEDs from his nosy lawyer to be brother as well."now's not really a good time Sam." he says sadly.

 

"Oh." Sam mutters and Dean swears he can see the heartbroken puppy eyes from here.

 

"Why you want to come down here anyway?" Dean asks because he's weak and Sam was clearly excited about it if he's calling Dean at 2pm on a Wednesday even though Deans almost positive he has a class in fifteen minutes.

 

"I met someone."

 

"Oh."

 

“Yeah, she's great Dean and she's never been to LA before and I thought maybe Benny would let us use the spare apartment, we'll stay out of your way I swear." Sam almost begs Dean's resolve crumbles.

 

"Dammit Sam you don't have to hide in Benny's because I'm busy, I'll sort something out." Dean mutters already feeling guilty for trying to push his brother away when he's finally happy about something.

 

"you sure?" Sam asks trying to keep the hope out of his voice.

 

"yeah. I mean anyone that can put up with you deserves my respect and maybe some pie."

 

"Jerk." Sam says almost automatically.

 

"Bitch." Dean replies just as quickly already feeling better by his brothers' subtle distraction.

 

"So why are you busy?" Sam asks in his Lawyer voice, not so subtly looking for clues.

 

Dean rubs his neck, "I've picked up more shifts."

 

"Sure... There's no other reason?"

 

"None?"

 

"You don't sound so sure and you know you haven't called me in like 2 weeks."

 

"Why you questioning me all of sudden? I've just been doing work stuff."

 

"Dean Benny comes to thanksgiving I'm sure he'd give you some time to you know pick up the phone and communicate with your favorite sibling."

 

Dean shakes his head, "You're my only sibling Sammy and I'm sorry for ignoring you I've just been busy. Look I've gotta go my shifts starts in ten get to class and I'll see you soon okay."

 

Sam sighs. "yeah sure Dean."

 

Dean hangs up trying not to feel guilty about the dejected tone in Sam's voice. it would appear that despite the earth shattering epiphany that Dean Winchester is capable of emotion he is still an asshole. Nice to know some things never change.

 

"Fuck." Dean swears again just for the hell of it before moving downstairs to the bar. Remembering the first day he met Cas and how badly he need a drink then and how badly he needs one now. At least this time he might get a chance to finish it without the FBI landing on his doorstep even through right now Dean really wishes they would.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so that's me caught up here. Officially I started this story on wattpad about three months ago and I experienced some writers block did about a month of editing and decided I would upload here as well. Chapter thirteen has yet to be written and it may take a week or two and my schedule is constantly sporadic due to course work so I hope you bear with me as I officially start my journey on AO3. *throws confetti and resits the urge to quote the gag reel.*


	14. chapter thirteen

Castiel tries to breathe as he walks away from the bar slowly getting into his car. He wants to scream but he also wants to run back to Dean and kiss him again. He had known for a while that he was beginning to feel something for Dean, but he had hoped that he wasn't being as obvious about it, as he apparently is.

 

Castiel isn't an idiot he knew Dean had been attracted to him that first night, but attraction was easy to ignore when it came to the bigger picture. Whatever this was between them wasn't just attraction, it was messy and complicated and God help him but Castiel wanted it. Wanted to be close to Dean again do anything that would wipe that broken look off Dean's face when he had walked out the door. For a second, he considers it. Pictures what would happen if he ran back right now, if he explained and apologized to Dean. Would Dean forgive him, would they be able to do anything about it, would Dean even want to. There's too many questions, so many unknowns that Castiel just cant risk. His job has to come first. 

 

Sighing Castiel starts the car. He considers going to shoot again, pour all of his frustrations into the act of firing at a wall and letting everything else go. Logically he knows that he couldn't do that, his body was still exhausted from his lack of sleep the past few weeks.he needed to relax and he needed to sleep. Maybe cook something for once in his life. Mostly he just wants to sleep until everything disappears, wants the numbness that used to come from getting high. Despite the guilt and the hatred Castiel feels for his old drug, he still craves it, still wants something to take every messy thought away. He knows he shouldn't want that and despite the itch under his skin he knows he’ll never give into that again. He's been sober for a year and he plans to stay that way, but for a second he wishes he wasn't. In the end it's the impatience of a driver in a yellow camry that pulls him out of those thoughts. He shakes his head and drives home.   

 

When he arrives he can't help but sigh again. The drive didn't make the feelings go away. If anything it made them worse because now he has had time to think about what he wants.  Mostly he wants things to be different even though he doubts that he deserves them to be. He wants to just go for it but he still has to find Anna, so he can’t put his job at risk. He also can't put Dean at risk; despite the fact that Gabriel swears he's just being paranoid Castiel knows there was a reason he was allowed to walk away all those months ago. If Legion knew the agents undercover back then they should know who he is now. They could be watching him for some reason and he can’t bring Dean into that. He won't allow Dean to get hurt so he has to do what's best and stay away. He'll talk to Naomi in the morning but for now Castiel closes his eyes and tries to sleep.

\--------

Meanwhile Dean sits at the bar planning a very stupid idea. A one-night stand. Or afternoon stand since it's only 2pm; Jesus how is this day so long and yet it's barely over? Maybe he should go upstairs to angst some more so Benny will stop giving him worried looks about his day drinking.

 

Maybe he should just call Cas, he gave him that phone number, right? Sure it was in case of emergencies but this feels like an emergency. Or maybe he should shut up and stop thinking like a fourteen-year-old girl. For god's sake he's supposed to be a criminal, he beats up people in his spare time why is one man making his world feel flipped upside down?

 

Dean takes a deep breath, the familiar smell of the bar immediately beginning to ease his swirling thoughts. In between the random appearances of Cas and the lack of fights Dean had begun to spend more time down here, either on shifts or on the stools. Slowly slipping into a false sense of security that he hadn't felt since before his dad died. The bar had become a place where Dean had felt like a normal citizen instead of whatever the hell he was now.

 

Maybe that was the problem. Dean and Cas always talked in the bar, the same place Dean notoriously flirted with many past conquests. Despite the bad shit the bar feels normal, flirting with Cas felt normal, kissing Cas was anything but normal but it felt right. Until it didn't. The thing was he couldn't tell when it started.

 

In the beginning Cas had been intense, righteous, like cracking the case was a mission from God. But somewhere along the way the stoicism was replaced with raised eyebrows, head tilts and sarcasm so dry it was practically the Sahara. Usually all at Dean's expense, but Dean became addicted to it. Determined to get past the Agent Novak persona and get through to Cas his friend. And shit when did that happen, Cas was mister FBI himself. He wasn't supposed to be anything more than a boss, a partner at most. He wasn't supposed to mean anything. Except he does.

 

Jesus maybe he should just give up on the beer and move onto the hard stuff because clearly the beer this isn't working. Groaning Dean slams his head into the bar hearing Benny throaty chuckle at his expense. "What's eating you brother?" he asks, cleaning a glass. 

 

"I think I fucked things up with Cas." Dean says his answer muffled by the wooden surface.

 

Benny puts the glass down "The P.I. guy?" he asks, and for a second Dean is confused before he remembered that was Cas's cover. Being a P.I. was Cas' idea, he was supposed to have met Dean in Illinois before moving to Los Angeles. It explained the visits and the questions if Cas was simply an old friend and shit how had Dean’s life gotten so complicated?

 

"Yeah Benny the P.I. guy."

 

Benny makes a humming sound "I saw him rushing up to your room like every creature in hell was chasing after him earlier.

"

"Yeah..." Dean sighs "he's been having a hard time and thought something had happened to me and I just...."

 

"What did you do Dean?"

 

"I may have accidentally... ummm... kissedtheguywhenhewasmad." Dean says in a rush already feeling a blush heat up his cheeks.

 

"What was that?" Benny asks smirking because he was a dick.

 

"I kissed him while he was pissed!" Dean says well shouts really, because Benny was being all smug and Dean was not in the goddamn mood.

 

Benny groans "Was he straight?"

 

Dean rolls his eyes, because if that was the issue Dean could have handled it. "No he's not he's just being a goddamn martyr or something ugh I don't even know man."

 

Benny laughs again probably because Dean was acting like he was a fourteen-year-old girl and not a twenty-six-year-old cage fighter dammit he was so screwed. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just get me some whiskey asshole, and leave the bottle." Benny sighs but the man does his job and Dean is left to blessed silence for all off twenty-three seconds.

 

"You know maybe he's just being a stubborn bastard." A snarky voice says. Dean turns slowly to face a man that just about came to Dean's shoulder, he was smirking and his amber eyes held a gleam that Dean had seen on most bond villains.

 

"What the fuck do you want?" Dean grumbles because like he said he was not in the mood.

 

The man grins "A million dollars, world peace maybe a pair of strippers. Oh and if you would be so kind as to call Cassie that would be much appreciated."

 

Dean sits up straight and blinks. Then blinks again. "Dude I haven't dated a Cassie since 2011."

 

The man laughs, falsely cheerful. "Very funny Dean-o didn't take you for stupid type, well maybe a little but Cassie thought you were something. Huh guess the kids dimmer than I thought."

 

"Wait do you mean Cas? And How the fuck do you know my name asshat?"

 

"Names Gabriel pretty boy and I'd appreciate if you'd get my brother on the phone this is somewhat important." 

 

Dean stops moving, then lifts a surprised eyebrow. "How the fuck are you his brother?"

 

"Don't worry it's not biological, I mean clearly I am way better looking."

"No I get that but still you're all..." Dean pauses and gestures at Gabriel's whole body. Noticing the man is wearing a Hawaiian shirt with itty bitty hula girls. If Dean wasn't so lucid, he would be sure this was a drunken hallucination. "And Cas is..."

 

"The closest we've come to artificial intelligence, I know. You're hilarious Winchester now phone my brother and then maybe we can discuss how you apparently you two have been sucking face."

 

"We're not... I mean... Jesus, fine I'm going to call Cas."

 

"Finally." Gabriel says looking at the sky like Dean just gave him a gift from God. Dean’s not entirely sure he hasn't lost his mind. Scrambling for the emergency phone Dean opens the contacts.

 

It's the first time he's paid attention but now that he's looking he sees three names. Charlie, Castiel and someone called Naomi. Dean moves to Cas' holds his breath and presses it terrified of what he's going to say. The phone rings twice and Dean begins to worry that Cas will ignore him when he finally answers.

 

"...Dean?" Cas asks. He sounds half asleep and he probably is considering how wrecked he had been today.

 

"Hey Cas." Dean replies trying and failing to not sound awkward.

 

"Are you okay?" Cas asks sounding very serious for someone that was probably asleep ten seconds ago. "If this is about earlier..."

 

"What no... look let's just not do that right now... or ever actually... umm" Dean stutters trying very hard not to blush.

 

"Sweet lord have mercy." Gabriel mutters before he reaches up and takes the phone. "Hey." Dean snaps indignantly even though thing will probably be easier this way.

 

"Heya kiddo.... Yes, it is I. In the flesh, well speaker.... Shhh not now Cassie, look imma need you to get down here right now because I've got to tell you something that needs to stay on the down-low, capisce?" Gabriel ends the call and turns to Dean somehow managing to make a smile look sinister. "Now you want to explain why you were macking on my brother?"

 

"I... honestly no." Dean says pointedly trying to appear intimidating because he really does not want to talk about the kiss. Ever. Especially not with Cas' annoying (and slightly terrifying) older brother. Gabriel laughs still fucking grinning like it's his job. "So it isn't some kind of ploy to get my brother’s defenses down so you can get information out off him?"  

 

Dean's eyes go wide. "What God no... It was just a kiss. A completely stupid I just fucked up kiss but seriously that's it! What the hell man?"

 

"Really? Because from what I'm seeing Dean, you're a criminal and we have a very real chance of having a mole amongst us."

 

"What?!" Dean shouts already moving into panic mode. If there is a mole there's a chance that they know about everything about him and Cas. Shit they could know about Sam.

 

"Huh." Gabriel mutters "so you really didn't know anything, ah well worth a shot. Too bad, a manipulative sociopath would be better than a fucking mole in the works."

 

"Yeah no shit." Dean says still panicking. "Gabriel I need you to tell me straight is my brother safe? Because if Alistair finds out I'm doing anything like this he's going... shit."

 

"Now, now Dean-o don't panic, your brother is safe at least for now. Some information has gotten out and I have to check every possibility as to why, okay? As far as I know your name or any other Winchester is not on the list."

 

"What list?" Dean shouts focusing on the words for now more than anything coming out of his own mouth.

 

"That's none of your business okay that's for Castiel. Just sit down and get your bear friend there to get me a glass, neither of us wants to have this conversation sober."

 

\--------

 

Castiel is trying to sleep when the phone rings. He wants to ignore it, wants to sleep until he can't think anymore but he knows that ringtone. It's the one he sets for the emergency phones. So far there are only two people that possess them Zeke and  "...Dean." he asks groggily trying to wake up enough to help in case of a situation.

 

"Hey Cas." Dean says sounding very awkward and for a second he forgets why, too busy worrying about why Dean would be calling this line. "Are you okay?" Cas asks trying not to sound afraid before he suddenly remembers. "If this is about earlier..."

 

"What no... look let's just not do that right now... or ever actually... umm" Dean stutters and Cas can't not smile at how nervous Dean is. It's comforting to know they're both awkward about earlier. He's about to repeat his question when he hears a small scuffle and then.

 

"Heya kiddo" Gabriel says. Castiel freezes unsure why he's hearing his brother's voice.

 

"Gabe?" he asks because he has to be sure he's not sleep deprived.

 

"Yes, it is I. In the flesh, well speaker." Castiel rolls his eyes because that wording is all the proof he needs to know that this is his brother. "Gabriel, I'm tired and confused can you please just tell me whats happening?"

 

"Shhh not now Cassie. Look imma need you to get down here right now because I've got to tell you something that needs to stay on the down-low, capisce?"

 

"I... okay?" Gabriel ends the call and Cas stares at it like it will reveal the answers to the universe. Shaking his head he gets his keys from the nightstand and puts his pants on, sparing a moment of mourning for the warmth of his bed before he heads to the bar.

 

\----

When Castiel gets to the bar he's greeted with the sight of Dean and his brother sharing a bottle of whisky while trying to suggest to Benny that body shots are brilliant idea.  "I'm still dreaming right?" Castiel asks from behind. Benny jumps, Gabriel seems unfazed and Dean spills his whisky.

 

"Jesus Cas, we got to buy you a bell." Dean mutters trying to use napkins to clean his wet shirt, Castiel tries and fails not to notice. Gabriel remains smug about the whole thing.

 

"Hey bro," he says smirking. Castiel glares at him. "Oh ho you always were a grumpy bastard in the morning, you should take some notes Dean-o." Dean flushes red and Castiel tries to blush as well because if Gabe knows about him and Dean (which really wouldn't surprise him because he is Gabriel) he will never hear the end of it. Wisely Benny walks away.

 

"Can I help you Gabriel?"

 

"What no hello? Okay then we should go over there." Gabriel says pointing to the corner booth. Cas moves to follow realising Dean's coming along too.  

 

"Dean maybe you should..."

 

"Castiel if you seriously tell me to sit in the corner I will punch you."

 

Castiel bites his lip. "Technically we would be sitting in the corner." 

"Cas."

 

"Dean."

 

"Gabriel." Twin glares turn in Gabriel's direction who holds up his hands in a mock surrender. "What everyone has seen that movie. Besides now is not the time for your sexual tension. Dean-o take a seat this involves you too."

 

By some miracle Castiel nods and Dean tries not to laugh at the image of Castiel the powerful FBI agent submitting to his tiny older brother. Castiel turns towards Gabriel and he sees something flick across his face too subtle to identify. Still he knows his brother and he knows Gabriel is only this snarky when he's either drunk or he's worried and somehow Castiel feels like it the latter. "Gabe what's wrong?" Cas asks not hiding the fear this time.

 

Gabriel laughs cold and broken before saying. "Remember when we were kids and Dad would bring his old buddies to the house and they would show up with their badges and their suits and we thought they were heroes? Then when we joined and we thought we could be them because they were the good guys right, there supposed to be heroes." Castiel watches his brother avoid meeting his eyes.

 

"Gabe...."

 

"Funny thing is there are no heroes Cassie at least not on this case."

 

"Gabe what are you saying?"

 

"We've got a mole Cas, probably a big one." Gabriel finally looks at him but Cas doesn't notice he's too busy thinking of a day two years ago and an empty park bench.

 

"How long?"

 

"Cas-" Dean says softly putting his hand on Cas' shoulder. Cas shrugs it off.

 

"How long Gabriel?" Cas demands ignoring Dean because he doesn't need coddling right now. He just needs to know the truth.

 

"I can't be sure, since the beginning maybe."

 

"So..." he can't say it, can’t ask if one of their own allowed their friends to die. But he has to know. "When Dre died..."

 

"’Fraid so kiddo." Gabriel says watching Castiel like he's afraid Castiel is going to break, Dean has the same look in his eyes.

 

"I'm fine, stop looking at me like that."

 

"You're shaking Cas." Dean says but he doesn't try to reach out again. Castiel can't decide if that's a good thing or not. Castiel looks down to see yes, his hands are shaking but he can't understand why.

 

"I'm not going to pass out again." Castiel says because he just wants Dean to stop looking at him like that.

 

"Sure about that? ‘Cause I remember you lying in my hallway a few hours ago."

 

"Wait you passed out?" Gabriel asks his voice concerned.

 

"I'm fine." Castiel snaps. "No, actually I'm pissed because someone has been playing with us this whole time and could be leading us wrong. People have died and I'm furious." He doesn't raise his voice but Gabe gulps and Dean is watching him like he's seeing something he's never seen before and it should scare him but he's so angry he doesn't care.

 

"Maybe I shouldn't give you this then." Gabriel says passing a phone across the table.

 

"What is it?" Dean asks.

 

"A phone dumbass. At the moment there's nothing on it but I found a file in Crowley's office."

 

"Wait who's Crowley?" Dean asks.  

 

Gabriel rolls his eyes, before explaining. "Crowley is a dealer, we thought he was running this whole thing till we found out he was deferring to someone else. Officially I'm just a dealer but he tells me things. ‘Gloats’ would be the best word for it actually. Owns this club called Crossroads."

 

"Crossroads like my dad's Crossroads. Cas why didn't you tell me this?"

 

"I... I didn't know. None of this was given to me. Gabe, this is only the second time I've heard Crowley's name."

 

"Well that's interesting." Gabriel mutters. "Where did you hear it the first time?"

 

"Balthazar."

 

"Well I'll be damned. You haven't heard anything about Crowley and now boy toy over here says his dad has a connection to the Crossroads."

 

"Yeah that's where my dad met Alastair."

 

"Damn." Gabriel says.

 

"Yeah, Damn." Castiel says desperately trying to process everything that's just been said. "What's the phone for Gabe?"

 

"What? Oh yeah, the phone. I found a file and copied it, tried to open the thing but it's so encrypted it's practically the word of God. Lucky for me I have a prophet. Or a nerd really, he's a good kid anyway, one of Charlie's friends."

 

"Gabriel your point."

 

"Whoops sorry, he's hacking the file. And I think whatever is on there could help us find the mole. When my guy Kevin is done with the encryption he's going to send it too two numbers. Mine, and this phone right here which I'm giving to you, Dean."

 

"What! Why the hell are you giving it to me!" Dean asks and Castiel has to agree with him it seemed too risky. Still Gabriel always had his reasons.

 

"Simple, if anything happens to me there's a seemingly unconnected backup."

 

"And that's me? What happened to ‘you’re a criminal Dean’? ‘Are you emotionally manipulating my brother to get information Dean’?"

 

"What?" Castiel asks.

 

Gabe shrugs "I had too see if you were honest. Besides Cas trusts you."

 

"So?!"

 

"That's good enough for me. Odds are you'll never to know what's on there I just need you to hide the phone."

 

"Are you sure that's safe Gabe? We can't risk Dean getting hurt." Cas asks trying not to feel like everything he's afraid of is just around the corner.

 

"Honestly no. But what other choice do we have?" Cas glares at Gabriel knowing his brother is right, logically Deans is the safest place to hide it, but he can't shake that fear that Dean will get hurt. Just when he's about to argue Dean pockets the phone.

 

"Dean-"

 

"Don't Cas... just don't." Deans face is hard as he speaks and for the first time in months castiel sees that righteous fury that drew him to Dean in the beginning. "I need to do this Cas. Something about Sammy could be on this and I can't risk that so I'll hide it and we'll move on alright?" Reluctantly Castiel nods.

 

"Oh Cassie I like him." Gabriel says grinning from ear to ear like their very world isn't ending. Something about Gabriel acting like himself makes Castiel smile despite everything.

 

"So what do we do now?" Dean asks looking between the brothers and seeing an odd resemblance in their matching grins.

 

"We go solo." Castiel says already planning things out in his head. "I can get Charlie to send me the old files and we go through everything again without blinders this time. Maybe do some investigating on our own while Gabriel sends us what he can."

 

"Sounds good." Gabe says downing his whiskey. "Well as much as I would love to stick around I've got places to be, so see you boys." Gabriel smiles throwing his arms around Cas before walking out the door leaving Dean and Cas alone.

 

"Wait when you say 'we' you mean me and you." Dean asks pointing between them. Cas gulps he can't help it. It should be easy. He has a plan a firm logical plan and he still needs to push his emotions aside and concentrate on the case for now.

 

"Yes." Cas answers.

 

"I'm not a cop Cas." Dean says sounding like solider.

 

Castiel rolls his eyes. "No but you're involved now, you're uncompromised and you have an idea 

who we're dealing with."

 

Dean sighs biting his lip. "I can't Cas, Jesus I'm not some..."

 

"You aren't what Dean?"

 

"A hero Cas. I'm.... I'm not like you." The last part is a whisper and Cas can't help but grab his shoulder. He wants to shake him, maybe kiss him until all the self loathing falls away but he can't. Instead he forces Dean to meet his eye.

 

"You've been protecting Sam for years that seems pretty heroic." Dean looks away.

 

"That's called being an older brother. Cas I can't help you here. I... I'm just some guy."

 

"So am I Dean but I need help with this and you're all I've got so please Dean I need you to help me." Dean's eyes latch onto his and for a moment he thinks they're going to kiss again. He sees Dean look at his mouth just for a second but Cas still licks his lips waiting.... Before Dean pulls away.

 

"Okay I'm in. Where do we start."

 

 


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for panic attack

Somehow they end up in Dean's apartment. More specifically his spare room. The room is a small rectangle with a single bed shoved against the wall for when Sammy comes to stay, boxes line the other walls, or they did until Cas insisted that they stack them against the bed instead. Dean obeys without question, curious as to what the agent is thinking. He hasn't spoken since they were in the bar apart from the occasional question or command. It makes Dean nervous. Something is off about Cas. He has become cold and focused but Dean can read the tension in his shoulders. Unlike Dean who is currently lying on the bed, trying not to think of all the danger sammy could possibly be in. Cas paces across the room like he's trying not to snap. Dean can only imagine how pissed he is, if Dean had been betrayed like that he would probably be hitting someone. Cas is different though. There is this look in his eyes that Dean can't interpret and it scares him. Old instinct kicks in and as much as Dean wants to hunt down anyone who threatens he family he wants to help Cas first. He thought that he understood Cas but this is a side he hasn't seen before. "You okay man?" Dean asks eventually when Cas has finished his fifth lap of the room.

Cas stops and looks him, his head tilted to side like it always does when he's curious. Like seeing something from a different angle will make it suddenly make sense. "Why wouldn't I be?" he says dryly.

Dean shrugs trying not to look as nervous as he is, because there is a list of reasons why Cas is not okay right now. For starters there are still bags under his eyes from this this morning and the pacing is a clear sign of how tense he is. Dean should ask about the mole, he should keep this as impersonal as possible. Instead he says. "Aren't you tired?"

"I'm fine," is Cas' dry reply and out of habit Dean rolls his eyes. This is normal for them, the questions and avoidance technique. The only difference is Cas is the one lying this time.

"Yeah, sure you are. I mean you've had what six hours sleep in the past two days?"

"Five actually."

"Well then that's just perfect. I'm sure you're just peachy." Cas raises an eyebrow at Dean's sarcasm but he doesn't say anything. Just spins around to march again. Dean sighs and rubs a hand over his face.

"Seriously Cas you should go home, sleep. We can do this stuff tomorrow."

"I can't Dean." Cas grits out and Dean can see how Cas tenses, immediately going on the defence. He tries not to be hurt by how Cas is basically shutting him out.

"Why the hell not?" Dean grits out. Rougher than he expected.

"I can't sleep." Cas sighs, he won't meet Dean's eye instead he looks at his shoes. Like he's ashamed. "I can't sleep when stuff like this happens."

"Something like that this has happened before?" Dean asks eyebrow raised wondering how many moles the FBI has had.

"Not exactly but after what happened last year I haven't been able to sleep right. So now... Now after what Gabriel just said I'd honestly be surprised if I sleep at all."

"Nightmares?" Dean guesses, Cas looks away again like he's afraid Dean's going to judge him for that. Dean sighs again. "Cas, you can't keep living like that. Do you have to go in tonight?"

Cas shrugs "Yes."

"Look I get that you feel like you need to do everything but can't you at least call in sick, get Charlie to cover for you."

"Charlie's on her way here."

"What? Why?" Dean asks. He knows his eyes are probably as wide as saucers but he can't help thinking about how anyone could be involved with this mole thing. Cas squints at Dean. "I texted her in the bar, she has some files that we are going to need. Don't worry Dean we can trust her."

"I wasn't worried about that Cas." Dean says almost too quickly.

"Really?" Cas asks, somehow he doesn't roll his eyes but he does raise his eyebrow. Because he's a dick like that.

Dean shrugs, "Okay, maybe just a little bit but can you blame me?"

"Not really, I get the feeling you hardly trust anyone."

"Oh really what gave me away."

"Oh you know, your charming personality." Cas' tone is dry but there is a hint of a smile on his face. Dean smiles too and somehow everything feels okay for a second. Then Cas turns to the wall again. "What are the chances that you have post it notes?"

"Ahhhhh... surprisingly hopeful. I'm pretty sure Sam left a bunch of school stuff in one of these boxes." Cas brightens at the response and begins to rummage around in the boxes. He's looking through a box of Sam's shirts when there is a knock at the door. "That's probably Charlie, can you let her in?"

Dean nods and walks towards the door. Charlie smiles thinly when he sees her. She's changed her shirt from earlier and is struggling with an overstuffed satchel. "Need a hand?" Dean says before Charlie all but throws the bag at him.

"Thanks man, now where's Cas?" Dean nods in the direction of Sam's room and Charlie walks towards it. When Dean enters the room Charlie's already pulled a surprised looking Cas into a bone crushing hug. "I'm sorry you have to go through this." She mumbles into his shoulder. Cas says nothing but he does relax into her hold. Eventually she lets go and grabs the satchel from Dean. She then begins to lay out each file on the floor. "Okay so the best plan is to go through everything we already have and see if we can find some new angle, or see if there's a link that will draw out the mole." Dean and Cas both nod.

"Okay where do we start." Dean asks fully aware that he's the newbie in this situation.

Cas bends down to grab a file before moving to the wall again. Dean can also see a pack of yellow post it notes in his back pocket. Apparently, he found the supplies. "I think we should start by considering the chain of command, see if we can establish the holes in the information the Bureau has giving us and fill them in with what Gabriel has said."

Charlie nods like this makes sense then removes a laptop from the bag. Dean moves to the bed again. Cas pulls out the sticky notes, he scribbles something on the first one then reaches up the wall to place it as high as he can reach. Dean tries and fails not to look at the slip of tan skin that is revealed by his shirt being pulled up. Charlie shoots him a knowing look. Dean ignores her and looks at the note instead. "Geez Cas with handwriting like that you should have been a doctor."

Cas glares at him then continues to write on the notes, leaving four more under the first one which has the word "leaders." Below that are the names, Crowley, Lilith, Alastair and Richard Roman.

"Isn't that the Sucrocorp guy?" Dean asks, trying not to panic about the fact a guy as powerful as that could be involved in this.

"Yes, we have reason to believe that one of his pharmaceutical factories is being used to create the Croton drug." Cas answers.

Dean's eye widen again. "Really? So why haven't you arrested him?"

"We have no proof only a C.I.'s word to go on." Charlie answers.

Dean nods before asking "So how do these people fit into Legion?"

"Well it seems like they all control something in Legion's network. We already know Alastair recruits fighters for his rings but it seems like he recruits some general thugs as well."

"Gee thanks Cas," Dean scoffs. Charlie sniggers and Cas rolls his eyes again. Dean's sorta worried Cas is going to pull something.

"You know what I mean Dean. Anyway, after you mentioned Lilith's involvement I had Charlie look into her."

"And I may have hacked into her email."

"You can do that?"

"Technically, not without a warrant, but those take forever and I thought it might help find Victor."

"Nice." Dean says giving Charlie an impressed look, and Cas looks vaguely done with both of them. Dean ignores him. "So what did you find?"

"Lilith was good at covering her tracks. Technically her firm's completely legit, but I've found some emails from someone called the "saddle boy." The files are usually clients that we know are associated with Alastair. Lilith defends these guys and either gets them off the hook or negotiates some pretty impressive plea deals. The rest are from guys who are in rival gangs, those cases Lilith either drops or fails at when she's on the stand."

"So you think Legion is paying her so she becomes every member's favourite lawyer?"

"Basically."

"So who's the stable boy?"

"We're not sure." Cas answers, already writing a new note. "But I think he must run interference between these guys so they can't be traced back to each other." Cas places the note in-between the leader card and the others. "Best bet is he's some kind of secretary for the higher ups."

"Awesome, as if this wasn't weird enough now we have some criminal's secretary." Both Cas and Charlie smile but even Dean can see that its strained. "So how does Crowley fit into all this?"

Cas sighs "From what Gabe told me I'm going assume that he is the one who's in charge of the dealers, probably the one they all get orders from. Gabe seems to think he's pretty well connected, so that's why he's up here."

"Jesus, Cas how have we not heard about this guy?" Charlie asks.

"I'm not sure, who's Gabe's handler?"

"Inias."

"Is it possible this Inias guy is the mole?" Dean asks.

"It's a possibility but Inias hasn't been on this case the whole time, he only got assigned after Anna disappeared. Besides, all his information has to go through Naomi before we get to look at it."

"You don't think Naomi's capable of this, do you?" Charlie sounds wounded when she asks this and Dean can see a strain in both her and Cas that wasn't there this morning.

"I'm not sure what to think anymore, Charles. What else do we know about Crowley?"

"He apparently owns the Crossroads, which is weird by the way."

"Why is that weird?" Charlie asks.

"That's where Alastair recruited my Dad nearly ten years ago." Dean bites out trying to ignore the itch under his skin. God he hates that place.

"Damn, okay let me look into this place." Charlie says her fingers rapidly moving over the keyboard. "Okay so the Crossroads is owned by one Fergus McCloud who according to Gabriel is Crowley. The building has been around for nearly twenty years, but Crowley bought it from the previous owner Frank Azazel four years ago."

Dean can't help the slight hysterical laugh at this piece of information. Just like Cas probably can't help the sympathetic look he sends his way. "God this is so messed up."

"I know." Cas murmurs, and for a second it's almost comforting. Before Dean remembers the mess between them as well. He shakes his head. "What does it say about the club?" Dean asks, ignoring Charlie's pitying eyes and the twist in his stomach.

"Not much this link is just an article about some renovation they did last year."

"We should check it out." Dean says trying to be helpful. "I mean that's what we do now right? Investigate this crap?"

"Dean?"

"What, Cas?!" Dean snaps finally standing up to face him.

"You need to calm down."

"Why? Cas I'm not built for this shit okay. You, Gabe, and Charlie you signed up for this but I signed up to snitch. I don't know what to do with all this double agent stuff okay?" Dean knows he's breathing hard, can almost feel himself hyperventilating and suddenly he can't breathe. He feels his chest contract and he tries to remember how to breathe. Because he knows that he should be able to. God why can't he just remember how to breath? What's wrong with him why is this, this - something grabs his shoulder. Dean's first instinct is to jump back but the hand on his shoulder forces him to meet blue eyes. Cas' eyes. And now that he's paying attention that's Cas' voice. "- breathe Dean, with me okay? Just breathe in and out. Hey, hey look at me you're okay. Just breathe." Dean does and he feels his body slump into Cas's hold. Slowly he starts to breathe in and out again and it takes a second to realize Cas is breathing with him. "Charlie can you get Dean a glass of water?" Cas asks and Dean can hear her running footsteps, but he's too focused on Cas to pay attention.

Cas lowers him to the bed again and if it was under any other circumstances Dean would have laughed. Right now he's just grateful he's not on the floor. Cas passes him the water.

"M'okay Cas." Dean says eventually but Cas doesn't seem to care.

"No Dean, you're not but you're right you're not an agent. Me and Charlie can pack up this stuff and go to my place, you should just relax and take care of yourself."

Dean laughs. "A little bit hypocritical there, Agent."

Cas shrugs. "Just because I don't take my advice doesn't mean it's not a good idea."

"I will if you will." Dean says smiling softly, feeling too light headed to do much else. Cas smiles too and it's almost too easy to lean in towards Cas's smile. Dean blames the lack of oxygen for that. Charlie clears her throat and Cas jumps up like he's been smacked. He immediately starts to rip sticky notes from the walls. "Okay Charlie let's pack up and- "

"Hey Cas wait a second." Cas stops. "This stuff freaks me out okay but we need to do this. I already told you that I need to help you so just let me. I'm okay Cas I'm just a little freaked out right now."

"Dean you just had a panic attack."

"And you just fainted this afternoon."

"I'm a trained agent."

"And I beat people up for a living so at least we have something in common." Dean smirks. It's all an act and he thinks Cas can see that. He still rolls his eyes though so Dean counts that as a win. Charlie's smiling like she just received a precious gift.

"What do you want to do Dean?" Cas asks.

"Well, first I want to marathon Star Wars because that always makes me feel better after one of these things."

"You've had attacks before?"

"Cas, can we not talk about that right now? I'm trying to make major life decisions."

"Okay I'm sorry. What's next?"

"I want to go to the Crossroads, I want to call Meg about that fight, and I really want to catch these guys. If this is how we do that then this is what we do."

Cas is quiet for a long time and Dean almost wonders if Cas is going turn him down. Cas just sighs and turns to Charlie. "It's almost 7, Charles, you have to go if you're going to work tonight."

"Okay, um, what about you?"

"I'm taking the day off, after all I just fainted. I guess I'm going to watch Star Wars." Dean can't help the smile that comes from Cas' response. Logically he knows that spending any time with Cas outside if the case is a problem, but it's also something they've ever done before. Charlie bitches about missing the marathon but she still leaves ten minutes later.

Dean doesn't look at Cas he turns on his shitty TV. He continues to avoid his eye while he gets out the DVDs. "Just so you know we are not doing the prequels." Dean says and he can hear Cas' laughter from the couch. Dean sits at the opposite end of the couch keeping his eyes on the screen as the familiar music begins to play. It's awkward but both them refuse to acknowledge why.

"So this is how you relax huh?" Cas asks eventually.

"Nothing beats a Star Wars marathon man, it's like pure nostalgia you know? When we were kids Sammy was obsessed with it. Always wanted to watch it whenever he was sick, or when Dad had been gone for a couple of days, you know? I think it made him feel better and... I don't know, it uh, helped me too I guess." Dean rubs the back of his neck, oddly embarrassed about it.

Cas just smiles though. "I shoot guns." Cas says and Dean doesn't think he could wipe the surprised look of his face even if he tried.

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Here's me thinking you're all formal and mild mannered but apparently, you shoot guns when you're stressed."

"You ever done it?"

"A couple of times when I was younger. Dad didn't like the idea of me and Sammy being in the hotel defenceless you know? Actually, that's how I got the gun that sent me to juvie." Dean shrugs, but Cas look shocked.

"Ugh, what was that like?"

"Sweaty mostly. A lot of angry teenagers from broken homes. I did okay, no horror stories, but God I hated it there." Cas nods sagely and they're quiet for a while.

"Sonny." Cas says. "That's Gabriel's dad. He ran a boy's home. They sent me there when I was fourteen and I don't know why they asked me to stay, but I think that was because I was the only kid who actually liked living on a farm in the middle of nowhere." Dean laughs at that. He knows that it's not the same thing but there is something like understanding in Cas's eyes that Dean empathizes with. Dean's not sure how long they sit there staring at each other instead of the movie but it's long enough that Dean's eyes itch. He looks away. "I can take you sometime." Cas says like nothing just happened.

"Take me where?"

"To a gun range. It's probably not the healthiest stress reliever but it does help to blank out for a little while."

Dean should say no. He should stop thinking about that kiss and ignore the idea of Cas pressed up against him to keep his arm steady when he fires a gun. Dean should do a lot of things. Instead he says "Okay."

Cas smiles. They watch the film in silence but it's not as awkward as before. And when Cas falls asleep on his shoulder twenty minutes later Dean ignores that too. He falls asleep with Cas at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this is really late I'm sorry. I basically had surgery earlier in the mouth and I'm some fever anaesthetic dream I can up with the idea for a new story/series that I hope to publish at the end of the month so believe me when I say this is only late because of writing another story. So you know don't hate me please.


	16. chapter fifteen

When Castiel wakes it’s to the glare of sunlight on his face and the smell of coffee in the air. the first thing he notices is the crick in his neck that wasn’t present the day before, the second thing he notices is this isn’t his apartment. Instead of the bland monotone of his pre-rented furniture he sees a stained coffee table and a TV that’s a least a few years out of production. The DvD player is still connected and just like that Castiel remembers. The rushed planning sessions, the movie, fallen asleep curled up next to Dean. “Shit.” He mutters already jumping up from the sagging green couch.

A laugh erupts from behind him as he turns to see Dean, still wearing his jeans and grey Henley from the day before. His hair has fallen flat in the night, looking floppy and adorable without the usual gel. He’s barefoot, smiling and holding a cup of coffee. Castiel wants to scream at the unfairness of it all.

“Morning sunshine.” Dean says with an easy-going smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Want some coffee?” He asks holding up the cup. Castiel nods, not trusting his voice as he takes the cup from Dean's hand. Its rich and black slightly sweetened with a hint sugar. Castiel looks up somehow surprised that Dean knows how he likes his coffee despite the fact he’s drunk it in Benny’s bar before.

Dean shrugs moving away to the kitchenettes tiny counter lifting his own chipped mug and bringing it to his lips. Castiel copies the motion. The silence between the is awkward and stifling neither of them sure what to say to each other after the day before.

It had been easy to consider asking Naomi to transfer him from Dean after the kissing disaster, but then Gabriel had shown up. A mole was revealed and Castiel doesn’t know who he can trust. Especially not with something as important as Dean. Compartmentalising and ignorance had helped him hide his emotions when they were deconstructing everything. Even helping Dean after his panic attack was simple. Something he had done with trauma victim before. Granted those situations didn’t involve an attempted Star Wars marathon and a cuddle session but he could maybe have handled that. What Castiel can’t handle is the softness of morning light on Dean’s skin. The almost flawless domesticity that they’ve accidentally fallen into. He’s supposed to be distancing himself from Dean. He planned to do that but now the future is complicated. Castiel isn’t sure what rules apply anymore. He knows that he needs to find Anna again.  Knows that he can’t risk his job on his simple attraction and affection for Dean. Logically he’s aware of that. For some reason though around Dean logic seems to take a backseat the longing building up in his chest.  It doesn’t take away the stray thoughts of how much he wishes that he could see Dean like this more often. It doesn’t take away from his desire it be with Dean just because he’d like too.

In other words, He has completely and totally fucked up.

“Dean…” He begins not really sure where he was going with the sentence. Considering Dean holds up his hand to stop him.

“If you’re about to apologise for fallen asleep here last night, save it.  I saw you yesterday man and you were exhausted and that on top of that and everything that went down yesterday. I’m gonna be honest I’m kind of glad you weren’t driving home anyway.” Dean says the words with a simple shrug and a teasing voice. simple except for Dean not meeting his eyes.

“Still it does make things…” Castiel says pointing a hand at the obvious space between the two of them.

“What awkward?” Dean laughs. Hollow and cheery. “Of course it does man, but I’m willing to ignore it if you are?”

Castiel looks up, surprised by his suggestion. “Really?”

“I mean. Yeah. Look you were sorta right about yesterday. Everything’s already messy and complicated and what we did yesterday… when we you know…” Dean stops, flushing his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.

“When we Kissed.” Castiel says bluntly. Dean chokes on his coffee.

“Jesus Cas, you don’t mess around do you. I mean, yeah when we did that. If we kept doing that well it's just another pile of messy and complicated and I don’t think I can handle that right now.” Dean shrugs, slowly looking at Castiel again.

“Agreed.” Castiel says trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut. Dean looks up surprised.

“What really just like that?”

“Yes.”

Dean blinks at him, mouth wide open like he’s confused. “Oh okay then.” He mutters suddenly looking away. Castiel doesn’t know what to say, Dean looks almost sad which doesn’t make any sense.

“Dean?” He asks, worried about Dean’s reaction.

“Yeah…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Dean?”

“What Cas, nothing’s wrong I just… ah forget it, it’s stupid.” He’s hiding something. Castiel can tell, a blush has settled onto his features which he tries to hide behind his mug. It takes a second before it clicks.

“Your disappointed.”

Dean looks up. Eyes wide, cheeks stained red. He looks down at his feet, kicks the ground with his bare soles. “I’m… no its just… I don’t really know.” He suddenly looks up licking his lips, “I just I wish we didn’t have all this crap between us.”

Castiel pauses. A stupid string of hope has found its way to his chest and tied his heart in knots. He hates it. Hates this case, hates his job, hates the fact that Dean seems as disappointed as he is. It’s one thing for Dean to want to kiss him, it’s another thing entirely if Dean wants to _be with him_. Castiel sighs, takes a sip of his cold coffee and looks Dean in the eye. Refusing to say this any other way. “Me too.” He mutters. It’s the closest thing to a confession that he can stand to give.

Dean laughs a high breathless sound; he shakes his head and looks down again. “We’re so messed up man.”

Castiel gives him a sad smile. “I know.”

Silence falls between them again. They both drink they’re cold coffee pretending it's fine. Eventually Dean gives a small cough. “So... ugh you feeling any better?”

Castiel puts his cup on the coffee table, then runs a hand through his hair. “Much, sleeping helped.”

Dean laughs, genuinely this time. “The powers of my shitty couch, cheap as shit but it’s almost as soft as memory foam.”

Castiel raises his eyebrow. “Actually I’ve got a crick in my neck but you know, it’s not so bad.”

“Don’t be rude. I might get offended.”

Castiel rolls his eyes. Looks at the clock above Deans tiny stove and immediately feels panic slice through his veins. **7:52am**  “Shit.” He mutters sitting down again to put on his shoes, trying not to smile at the thought of Dean taking them off for him last night.

“What?” Dean asks.

Castiel ignores him focusing on the laces on his shoes, when he’s done he looks to the clock again. “I had to take the night off last night so I told Charlie to inform them I’ll do the day time shift today. Which starts in half an hour.”

“Oh, Shit. Okay so what should we do about the mole thing?”

“Really Dean you ask me now?”

“Yeah, well I’m not the one who forgot they had work okay. I’m just wondering if you’re going to tell anyone while you’re there?”

“Of course not. I don’t trust anyone besides you, Charlie and Gabe.”

“You trust me?”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “Of course I do Dean. Where friends, right?” he tries to ignore how his heart beats faster after that question.

“Of course we're friends Cas. I’m just surprised, I am a criminal after all.”

Castiel stands up, then lightly shoves Dean's arm. “You’re a lot more than Dean.”

“Huh.” Dean says, smiling softly. “Well just so you know I booked my fight. I forgot to tell you with all this shit going around.”

Castiel takes a surprised step back. “What? When?”

Dean coughs and shakes his head “Yeah, you told me to after Meg stopped by. I should be in the ring for six on Friday.” He sounds worried. It’s easy to forget that it’s been two months since Dean last stepped into the ring.

Castiel places his hand on Dean's shoulder “You’ll be okay Dean.” He says softly.

“Yeah, well if I don’t show up for the next meeting at least you’ll know why.”

Castiel shakes his head. “of course I will. I’ll go with you.”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “Cas…” He says sounding surprisingly sincere. “Thank you but you can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because what if someone recognizes you? What if they know exactly who you are huh? I can’t have you getting hurt trying to look out for me.”

Castiel looks Dean in the eye wondering if he realised how stupid that statement is. “Dean. It's literally my job to look after you.”

Dean shakes his head, “Not like that Cas… please.”

Castiel pauses for a minute taking in Dean's pleading eyes. “I could get a surveillance truck. Park about a block away, Charlie could probably go in and rig a camera of some kind, maybe even go in herself. That way if anything happens I’ll be close by.”

“What! No! I don’t want Charlie to get recognized either.”

“Okay, well I might have one other option.”

Dean looks at him expectantly. “Tessa might gut me but there is another CI, Ezekiel I can give him a camera and go in with you, meanwhile me and Charlie will stay in the truck see if we can find anything useful.”

“I thought you said I was your only CI.” Dean says, Castiel tries to resist smirking at the obvious jealousy in his tone. If Dean’s glare is anything to go by, he’s failed.

“Ezekiel happens to be family of a friend. She’s was not happy when she found out about any of this by the way, but she’s protective of Zeke asked me to keep an eye on him after Zachariah made him a CI.”

Dean looks surprised but seems to think over his options. “You’ll stay in the truck.”

Castiel rolls his eyes.  “Yes.”

“Okay, fine. Now get out of here you’re probably late as it is.”

Castiel smiles but does as he’s told.  “Goodbye, Dean.” He says walking out the door.

“Bye Cas.” Dean mutters smiling back. When the door closes Castiel sighs, trying to put his feelings for Dean aside as he walks down the hallway.

When he gets to his car he pulls out his phone and hits Zeke’s number. “Castiel?” Zeke asks sounding unsure.

“Yeah Zeke it’s me, look I need a favour.”

###

He was late to the office. The conversation with Zeke taking up the fifteen minutes he had left. Naomi thankfully is on night shift this week so Jody is in the head office. When he walks in he’s struck by the contrast between them. Naomi always looks perfectly pristine inside her office. Jody looks out of place. Her navy uniform is loose and comfortable sitting on her like a second skin. “Agent Novak.” She says with a smile that seems genuine and he’s surprised by how welcoming this woman seems to be.  

“Chief Mills.” He says back. “Sorry about being late, I’ve been trying to arrange something between some CI’s”

Jody raises her eyebrow, “What kind of something?”

“Alastair’s pits are set to re-open, I’m trying to arrange for surveillance between one of our dealers and our fighter in the rings. Which reminds me, I need to put in a request for a surveillance truck.”

Jody nods, “Sounds good, Novak. You’ll need to fill out a form. I’ll inform Naomi when she comes in.”

Castiel smiles, “Thanks chief.” He says leaving her office with a nod. He starts to look for Charlie until he remembers she was on shift last night. He walks to coffee machine instead, smiling at Agent Prescott. She smiles back, polite as usual before returning her gaze to the wall. He eyes her warily for a second before walking to his desk. Sitting down Castiel downloads the form and proceeds to spend the next hour trying to work out how to complete it without Charlie’s help. Eventually he manages to send it through. He also manages to make a bagel and avoid the 11 angry texts from Tessa all before 11:30. Looking around he sees if anyone is watching, before he pulls out his notepad and writes a list of possible suspects for the mole for Charlie to dig into.

  *         _Zachariah Adler – in charge of all CI management. Was one of the trainers in the undercover tasks._
  *         _Hannah Prescott – new to the FBI (legion is her first case.) Max Millers handler._
  *         _Raphael Shields – first responder to Rachel Dunn’s murder._
  *         _Inais McNamara – Gabriel’s direct contact._
  *         _Uriel Cross – Direct contact for the first undercover op._
  *         _Naomi Tapping – head of task force. Receiver off all CI information._



When he finishes Castiel sighs and rubs his head. The list is longer than he’d hoped it would be. It turns his stomach seeing it the way it is now. He was supposed to be able to trust these people with his life, but that seems impossible when faced with the proof of Gabriel’s theorem. The crime board lacks any information of the Crossroads barring Deans statements on the Ripper timeline. He stares the wall for a second. Trying not to feel useless with his lack of information. He has no clue who this Crowley is barring what Gabriel has told him. He wants to ask him for more but he knows that’s not safe, he refuse to endanger Gabriel’s cover like that. There once a month payphone calls are suspicious enough.

Twirling his pen between his fingers he begins to plan a very stupid idea. Pulling out his phone he once again ignores Tessa’s texts. He hovers over Dean’s emergency number, considers calling before he remembers where he is. Instead he pulls up the messaging app.

_Castiel: Do you want to help me stakeout the Crossroads tonight?_

He asks hits send, then goes to make another cup of coffee while he waits. Twenty minutes later he gets a reply.

_Dean: hey sorry was manning the bar, and are you sure you want me to go?_

_Castiel: yes, I told you before that I trusted you._

_Dean: Is it safe?_

_Castiel: hopefully._

_Dean: that’s reassuring._

_Dean: I’ll do it_

_Castiel: :)_

_Dean: God your such a dork._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Exactly two months later she actually publishes.  
> I know I know I'm a failure its okay. To be honest though  the reason for it this time (yes I always have a excuse.) is because I'm working on two (three as of last night ) new projects. the first one I plan to start publishing in two weeks is a reverse verse fic. I currently have 6500 words done I want to write another 5000 before I publish to try and avoid this late update issue.  
> the second I don't plan to publish until its complete (It will probably only be 30k) and its almost a coda of 12x16 featuring Claire and Krissy. because @fangirling_FTW_ is evil as is my brain and the wayward sisters confirmation.  
> finally the third project is a collab between me and my internet mother @fangirling_FTW_ . Yes we've hinted at it for a while and have finally agreed on idea last night. outline is complete so we plan to publish some time next week.  
> As for this fic. I'm seriously going try for bi weekly updates. I cant promise it'll be perfect but with all this writing I think I've got into the swing of things. but if you're still reading this fic thank you all so so much for your patience and support.  
> if you want to know how I'm doing or what I'm procrastating on or just want to say hi check out my tumblr https://www.tumblr.com/blog/wingsandimpalas.


	17. Chapter sixteen

Dean taps his fingers on the countertop. He looks at the clock, sees it's 9:30 pm then looks at the door again. Downstairs the bar is just starting to get crowded, the local crowd of woman falling for thursday's ladies night. Casey is probably manning the bar, Andrea is more than likely setting up the mic for karaoke and Benny is probably banished into the kitchen to cook for crowds of hungry women. Two months ago Dean would probably have been down there as well, possibly doing bartending but more than likely mingling with the ladies. He would have likely ended the night with a perky blonde who would be gone by morning aside from a note on the dresser.

Things are different now. His one night stands ended after the last fight. Mostly because his back hurt to much that first week to even think about doing anything athletic, then he started taking closing shifts because no more fights meant Dean needed some kind of income. Then he went from worrying about the questions Cas was going to ask, to straight up worrying about Cas. And now he's here on Ladies night. Dressed in a black t-shirt, with his best red shirt unbuttoned on top and dark, hole-free jeans. He has no plans about going downstairs. No instead of meeting the lovely women of LA Dean is waiting for an agent of the FBI to show up and take him to a bar. It's not a date. He reminds himself very firmly, this is a stakeout, he's going to a bar which he hates, with a man he may sort've have feelings for, dressed in his best clothes. But it not a date. Sighing Dean looks at the clock again, it's barely been five minutes. Cas said he'd be by after nine so where the hell is he.

Dean's not worried exactly LA's a big city. The traffic is always awful and Cas only finished his shift an hour and a half ago. Honestly he's sure Cas is fine. But worrying about why Cas was late is easier than worrying about what the hell is going on between them, or worrying about where they're going, because he's totally not paranoid about it.

He's just casually going to a gang run bar, where he previously killed a guy with an FBI agent who may or may not be known to said gang. He's totally fine. He's just... impatient. Groaning Dean brings out his phone to call Cas when there's a knock at the door. "Finally." He grumbles, all but stomping to the door and throwing it open.

"Hello Dean." Cas says, Dean tries not to swallow his own tongue. The asshole is wearing a goddamn waistcoat. Hes leaning against Dean's door wearing a grey shirt and a red tie with a fucking waistcoat. That's just not playing fair. The shirt is rolled up to his forearms for god's sake. Dean's lucky he doesn't have a stroke.

"Uh.." Dean says, totally not gulping. "Hey.. uh hey Cas." Cas raises an eyebrow, like he doesn't know what that does to Dean. it's just plain rude. Thankfully Cas doesn't say anything, he just shrugs then points down the hallway. "Should we go." Cas asks and Dean nods pushing past him so he can lock his apartment.

When they walk down the staircase Cas moves to walk out the staff entrance, Dean stops him. "Do you need anything from your car?" he asks, biting his lip.

Cas looks confused. "No... Why?" he asks and Dean can't contain his grin.

"Follow me." Dean mutters pulling Cas towards the back door. He opens it and smiles brightly into the alleyway. It's a dark on the street and the metal dumpsters smell like stale beer but Baby still gleams under the single streetlight. Cas walks up behind him looking faintly impressed, "Cas." Dean says smiling like a fool. "Meet Baby."

Cas moves closer, reverently running his hands over the Impalas hood. "Is this yours?" he asks with the appropriate amount of awe in his voice.

Dean smiles wider, "Yup. She used to be my Dads but after he ah... you know." he shrugs, Cas's smile starts to slip and Dean shakes his head. He doesn't want to think about his Dad right now. Not when he's going to the bar John basically died in. So he pats Baby's roof, making an effort to smile again. "I don't get to drive her much, city traffics not exactly made for her but since this might be the only chance I get to drive you anywhere we better make the most of it."

Cas is smiling again, that soft half smile he gives to Dean sometimes. "She's beautiful." he say hands clasping the passengers handle. Dean unlocks the door, taking a deep breath once inside. Baby still feels safe even after all these years. It's part of the reason he wanted to drive her tonight, Cas just gave him an excuse. It's been four years since he stepped foot in the Crossroads and he's terrified. But Baby, she always feels like home, brings him a sense of peace no matter how long he takes between driving her. Cas seems to relax into the seat as well, he almost looks like he belongs there. Something twists in Dean's heart which he ignores in favour of starting the car. Cas lights up at the noise and Dean can't help giving him a goofy grin despite the anxiety curling in his chest.

"I wish I could drive her more." Dean says, almost without thinking. "Before we settled here we used to drive her everywhere, my Dad was good at fixing her and between him and my uncle Bobby they taught me how to keep her running, but she's not meant to sit like this. She belongs on the road."

Cas looks thoughtful. "Maybe you could take her." he says softly. "After this case is done , if we win the the pits will be taken down. You won't owe Alastair anymore, maybe you could just go."

"That's a pretty big if Cas." Dean mutters caressing the wheel.

Cas shrugs. "I like to be optimistic. Besides what's holding you here?"

Dean pauses for a minute and thinks about it. Without the pits he's under no obligations. Bobby and Ellen were already discussing moving back to Sioux Falls the last time he went to their place for sunday dinner. Ellen wants to be close to her daughter Jo who got into Black Hill State last year, and they both feel out of place in the city. With the pits closed, they haven't had to worry about Dean getting hurt every other week, so they've able to plan their own future. Benny's a friend, sure, but he's one of the few Dean has here and he knows Benny would encourage him to leave if he thought it would help him in any way. He could honestly do it. The prospect is terrifying. This city holds so many bad memories he'd happily go but it's also been his home for ten years. He doesn't want to think about it anymore. He doesn't want to get his hopes up because despite Cas's optimism he could be stuck here forever. Cases take time to solve and there's no guarantee that either of them is going make it out alive. It's only then that he realises he's been counting Cas into his future. He shakes his head. He can't think like that. Ever. Cas and him can't be together. He needs to stop thinking about this.

So he turns to Cas again and says, "I'd miss meeting all the celebrities." which is bullshit but Cas laughs anyway. Before he can stop himself Dean asks, "What about you?"

Cas frowns, a crease forming between his eyebrows. "What about me?"

"When this case is over, what are you going to do?"

Cas blinks, looking completely shocked as he turns to look out the window. "I haven't really thought about it."

Dean raises his eyebrow. "I'd suppose you just move onto the next case, right?" Dean asks just to remind himself that as a federal agent Cas moves around all the time. They can't have a future. He just needs to deal with that.

Cas looks horrified. "I don't think I'd want to." he mumbles playing with his tie.

"What?"

"I don't want to do another case, I don't think I physically could do another one." He sighs, leaning back against the headrest with closed eyes. "I'm not the same person I was when I signed up, Dean. A lot has changed and for a while after my suspension I thought about quitting anyway."

Dean blinks, shifts lanes then says, "I didn't know you got suspended."

Cas laughs, "Dean, what do you think happens to an addicted agent after their undercover case backfires?"

"I thought you said Gabe made you go cold turkey? I just assumed he helped you hide it."

"Gabes smart but he's not a mastermind." Cas frowns. "They do a full report after you're pulled out. I probably should have been fired, maybe jail time. But I don't know, they took all the statements, made me go to a mandatory rehab and just... suspended me. I got out of rehab after eight weeks, went back to Illinois for a month, but I couldn't rest there. I had come back here just in case something happened. I mean, Gabe was still out there and I had to be sure he wasn't alone. I tried to keep out of things, started dating Bartholomew as a distraction maybe..." Dean can't help it he laughs. It's completely inappropriate but he physically can't help it. "What?!" Cas asks looking like an offended cat or something.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Cas. Our lives are so messed up." Cas smiles awkwardly. Dean laughs again. "Also Balthazar and Bartholomew what the hell is up with your taste in guys?"

Cas lips twitch looking away from Dean to stare out the window again, "If it makes you feel better, I think it's improving."

Dean looks away, he's smiling again which is ridiculous because Cas knows that's a dumb thing to say. Whatever they are they shouldn't be flirting this much. It's probably the stupidest thing they do but they still do it anyway. Cas ducks his head when he realises what he said. They don't talk until they get to the Crossroads.

The Crossroad sits on the left hand corner of what is literally a crossroad. The name is written in swirling red neon that flickers out to black then glows again, highlighting the black building beneath. Another story has been added onto what was once a shabby shack. It's a hell of lot sleeker than Dean remembers it being.

From this angle he can't see the alleyway. Somehow that doesn't help the nausea lingering in the back of his throat. He takes a deep breath closing his eyes against the blinding neon glare. "You ready?" Cas asks, hand placed carefully on Dean's shoulder. Dean focuses on that, letting it ground him into reality instead of drifting back into memory.

He opens his eyes and smiles at Cas. "Okay." Dean mutters pulling his keys out of the ignition. "Let's do this."

He doesn't move any further. Cas doesn't seem to care just squeezes his shoulder harder. "You can go home if you want Dean." He says reassuringly.

Dean shakes his head. "It doesn't even look the same. All this shit that's gone down here. It's like they just wiped it all away."

Cas tilts his head "We know they didn't, Dean. We just need to prove it."

Dean nods, logically he gets that. This building, this sign, these changes mean nothing compared to everything that happened, what's still happening. But somehow it doesn't feel right. The Crossroads should still look like the twisted up dive that one would expect his dad to be in. Now... now there's a God damn line to get in, velvet rope included. This place looks classy, even upstanding, it doesn't look like the place that ruined his dad's life. Ruined his. Somehow he hates it even more than he already did.

"Okay." He says pushing open the car door. Cas jumps out after him, smiling faintly. Dean smiles back. It's a cheap smile. One that's 90% bullshit and 10% reckless. Cas grins like it's the most beautiful thing in the world. They step into the line, Cas with his hands shoved into his pants pockets and Dean still grinning like nothing is wrong in the world. They don't talk in the line no matter how short it is. They can't risk anyone overhearing them.

Eventually they get inside and Dean's mouth drops open. The once shitty woodchip wall has been replaced by mahogany panels, with a massive circular black bar sits in the centre, surrounded by sleek black stools and dark bench seats line the walls. Above them dark wrought iron balconies take up half the space, with thick velvet benches and dark tables sitting in front of them. The bar is lit with gold and orange lights and is packed with various customers. Hypnotic trance like music fills the room and couples are dancing around the spacious dance floor. It's looks completely different from what he remembers.

Cas grabs Dean's elbow wearing something similar to that fake smile that he wore pretending to be Clarence, but his eyes are still soft and familiar. "Do you want a drink?" He asks.

Dean's not even faking it when he says "Yes." Like it's the only thing he'll ever need. A slight shaking has begun in his right hand and for a second he can feel his knuckles cracking like they did that night with Azazel. Cas seems to see this, because his hand moves down from his elbow to grab Dean's hand instead.

Dean doesn't even try to take it away from him. He needs Cas right now and he's not ashamed or scared to admit that. So he just holds on a little bit harder and let's Cas pull him towards the bar.

When he gets up there he takes a seat on a stool and Cas take the one beside him. He about to move closer to ask questions when a voice interrupts them. "Dean-o" Gabriel says from across the bar, smiling brightly and wearing a red bow tie. Dean lifts an eyebrow, he wasn't aware Gabe worked here but he supposes it makes sense, considering.

Cas doesn't even blink he just smiles slightly. "Can we get two beers." He pauses, looks at the name tag on Gabriel's shirt. "Loki." He reads with a smirk. If Dean didn't know any better he would swear the two hadn't even met. Gabe gives a small salute with a wink and moves to go get the bottles. Dean leans into Cas again.

"So..." He mutters scratching his lip "What's the plan now?"

Cas leans back in his chair and smiles, almost predatory. "Now, we observe."

Dean almost feels reassured...almost.


End file.
